TALES OF THE CARIBBEAN!

1. Trini’s new job.  1970’s:

A young Trini gentleman just got an accounting job with a good firm in St. Kitts. So, he leaves Trinidad on BWIA jet and arrives in Antigua. He had to stay overnight in Antigua, and knowing some friends who lived there, he gave them a call. Well, he found out there was big party in Antigua that night, so he met his friends, fired a few drinks to warm up and then went to the party. Now in Antigua they can Party, and they like to drink a lot of Rum! Usually Cavalier Rum! So, the Trini had the time of his life, fitted right in, met a bunch of people, and almost wished that his job was in Antigua not St. Kitts. Anyway, about midday the following day, the Trini goes to the airport and checks-in for his flight to St. Kitts, and soon he heard the announcement for departure of his flight. Now this Trini is an International Trini, he has flown all over the world, big Jets, Jumbo jets, the works! Well, when he walks out onto the Tarmac, he looks for the plane, and realizes that they are heading for this small, dinky toy plane! Well, Trini is now scared sh*****s! He boards this small 9-seater, Islander plane, no space in the seat, his knees practically in his chin, his head nearly touching the roof, and the passenger in the seat next to him has a large cardboard box, which could not fit in the luggage compartment! No sign of the pilot, and plane was really getting hot, in the midday sun. Then he sees this person strolling, like in real slow motion, comes up to the plane, shirt buttoned down to the waist, Captain’s hat nowhere to be seen, looking a little sluggish, and vaguely familiar. “Wait,” thought the Trini, “Only one pilot, and Mr. Slow-motion is the captain!” The pilot jumps in, literally turns a couple of keys and they are off, racing down the taxi way. They hit a pothole on the taxiway, and Trini could swear he heard a scream from the Carboard box next to him! “I’m Losing it!” he thought. “What could possibly be worse!” he mumbled. Just as the plane took off, the penny dropped! He remembered where he saw the pilot before, it was at the same party in Antigua, the previous night! Drinking plenty of Cavelier rum and I left him there, at the party! “Oh no, I am surely doomed!” he thought! However, the flight was uneventful, and they all landed safely in St. Kitts! Welcome to St. Kitts! Welcome to the land of fun, sun and rum!

2. The Insurance claim: 1970’s:

In the late 1970’s a young lad just turned 18 and was working in his father’s hotel. He had just passed his driving license. One morning, the father asked the son to take the new miniature Suzuki van, the real small ones, to the hardware and buy a 5-gallon bucket of red paint. Feeling important, the son drives the van to the hardware, buys the paint and is on his way back. There is a steep hill just before you get to the hotel, so the son drives down the hill, staying really close to the left-hand side of the road as he just got his license, and driving a new vehicle. Suddenly, “BRAMMM” and the vehicle turns over on its side. “What the hell happened?” he thought. When he looked, the government public works department who were fixing the road the previous day had left a nice round mound of tar-covered stones on the left side of the road, and the front left wheel had driven up the mound of stones causing the vehicle to roll on its side with an almighty crash. The brand-new vehicle! To make matters worse the five-gallon paint bucket had opened and most of the inside of the van was now covered in bright, red, oil paint. To compound matters, a few small boys passed the vehicle shortly after the accident and seeing the red mess in the back of the new vehicle, thought it was blood and ran down the road full speed, shouting that “someone just dead in a car accident.” Within two minutes the whole of the nearby village, about 300 people turned up to look at the accident, while the son waited for the police and was extremely worried about what his father would say. The police took two hours to arrive. And the quick arrival was because they heard someone had died! It’s the Caribbean!

Leaving out all of what the father really did say, he told his son to go the insurance boss man and file a report, So the son goes in rather sheepishly to the insurance company, with a lot of red paint still on his shirt, making the staff wonder if he was just in a fight – and lost from the looks of things.

The Insurance manager was a character. The father of the boy had called him in advance to say that his son had crashed the van and would be visiting shortly to report, so the manager thought about it a bit while he waited.

“So,” the manager says, “What happened?” The Son goes into a long explanation of what happened, about driving over the tar covered stones etc. When he had finished, the Manager said in an authoritative voice “No, no, I don’t understand, explain it to me again!” So, the son explains it again, and when he was finished, the Manager said again “I still don’t understand, explain it again!” The son a little peeved now explains in little louder voice what happened, and just when he was getting to the end of the story, the manager interrupted, “What was the color of the dog?” The son replied “What?” The manager repeats in a louder voice, “What was the color of the dog?” And the son says again “What?” And the Manager says even louder, “The color of the dog that ran into the road that caused you to swerve and crash?” “Huh” says the son. The Manager stated again and equally as loud as before “What was the color of the dog that crossed the road” The penny then dropped. The son said “Er, brown, a brown dog” So Manager say, in an even louder voice “WELL, WRITE IT DOWN!”

3. The (pre) Butler: 1970’s:

There are times when improvisation was key to life in the Caribbean, and no enforcement of regulations or restrictions to get in the way. A young teenager had no transport, but he hung out with the boys, many of whom had their father’s car to drive. Feeling disenfranchised, every time he ran after a girl, he had to beg for a lift everywhere, which was not cool! Then one day, an Englishman who was working in St. Kitts, and whose job had been completed, left the island, and sold his car to this young boy for exactly one dollar! EC not US! But the car was a literal wreck, with a lot of duct tape holding together vital parts of the car. Well, the young man was very enterprising and “fixed up” his car. Next party, he turns up in style!  The car had lost the accelerator pedal, so he connected the accelerator to the choke. Pull out the choke, and the car moves forward. There were no seats, so he used one of the old Coco-Cola “Coke” boxes to sit on, which rocked with each corner he turned. The one windshield wiper (yes, only one windshield wiper worked), was on the passenger side and connected to the turn indicator, and another two rolls of duct tape were used to strengthen the exterior of the car! And somehow, it never needed gas! Ever! It was a miracle!! It ran for two years and not once did it enter a gas station! Hmmmmnnnn! (That’s another story!) But the girls, they LOVED his car, especially after it passed twenty miles per hour, it used to crab sideways! And was it mentioned, no insurance, no license, — no tickets, life was good in the old days! The Chicks loved it!

4. The Butler- Getting established. 1970’s:

 A Trini and two Kittitians were living in Barbados in the mid -1970’S, working with LIAT as pilots. They shared a three-bedroom house. One day they met an acquaintance from St. Kitts, “Johnny,” who was visiting Barbados, (the same one who bought the one-dollar car!). So having met his Kittitian friends, Johnny asked if he could stay for a couple of days for the weekend before returning to St. Kitts, and the pilot boys said sure. Six months later he was still there sleeping on the couch! And he had no money! How was he surviving, you may ask? Well firstly, he earned his keep by cleaning the house and cooking every day. The Trini pilot was amazed, and wanted to know where they found this Butler, and was up and down the place, talking about this new Butler they now have, and how good he is! So how did he really make his money, they asked him. Turns out there was a lawn mower in the garage, and during the day, he went knocking on all of the neighbors’ doors asking if they wanted him to cut the grass, and they thought he was brilliant. Never a shortage of jobs for Johnny! The Trini pilot was even more amazed, a Butler who cuts grass too! Fantastic! But they asked him you don’t have trans, where did you buy the gas for the lawn mower. “Same place I bought it for my car in St. Kitts, he said! There is never a shortage, you know!” But Johnny limed (partied) hard and the boys at one stage started to worry, that when Johnny went liming at night, he had money to spare, and with not having a real job they were a little worried! Anyway, the Trini pilot had his girlfriend in Trinidad, so nearly all his days off he went back to Trinidad, at least two nights a week. The other two pilots were often overnighting several nights a week, when they were flying throughout the islands, and the roster was clear on what dates they had to overnight. Quite often there was no pilots in the house for a couple of days, except “The Butler.” One day, one of the pilots who left to fly and was scheduled to spend overnight on another island for two nights, had his flight cancelled, so he returned to his home, goes into his bedroom, —- and there is someone sleeping in his bed! So, the pilot asks the person. “Who are you and what are you doing in my bed?” The person responded, “What do you mean your bed, I rented this room for two nights, and there is big party scheduled for tomorrow night! Are you coming?” He continued, “We have stayed here several times before too, is this your first time?” Needless-to-say, the enterprising Butler was asked to leave, along with all his paying friends! All good things come to an end; I suppose!

5. The Butler – New Year’s Eve. The 1970’s:

The Butler having lived in Barbados with his good Kittitian friends for a couple of months, enquired what is happening on New Years Eve. So, he is informed that the big party is at “The Crane,” with 500 tickets sold and were now sold out, with a waiting list in the hundreds. And the dress code is strict and very formal, jacket and tie only! So, after lunch, the Butler asked if they could just take a drive by “The Crane”, so with nothing else better to do on New Year’s Eve in the daytime, they said ok, and they all piled into the car to take a drive. The Butler walks around the premises and then they all go back home. The Crane is located on the East coast of Barbados, on a massive steep cliff face on one side, where the angry Atlantic waves crash against the rocks below, and the rest of the property surrounded by high walls and lots of security. At about 8:30 pm with the two pilots ready to leave for The Crane, the Butler turns up with a three-piece suit and says, “Let’s go.” Apparently, he obtained the suit from one of the persons for whom he cuts the grass, by convincing them that he had his mother’s funeral to attend that afternoon, and out of sympathy, one of his “clients” lent him the suit, — for the funeral! So, they all pile in the car and off they go. The Butler has no tickets, no money, and security is massively tight, — no ticket, no entry.  When they arrive, the two pilots park their car, and join the long line of people with tickets, while the Butler disappears. After about 15 minutes, the two pilots get inside of “The Crane,” — and there is the Butler waiting for them with two bottles of Champagne, with a big grin on his face, and a couple of scratches on his hand!  The shock was unreal! After getting over the shock of seeing the Butler, the pilots asked the inevitable question, how did you get in, and how did you buy the very expensive Champagne. The Butler responded, “Boy, these Bajans don’t know anything about security! I just climbed across the sheer cliff and after about 30 yards reached the Eastern wall and jumped over the wall!” They could not believe it, that someone could climb across a sheer cliff face in the near dark, where one slip would lead to almost certain death. The Butler continued, “Twice I nearly fell and that is how I got the scratches on my hand” The only scratching the pilots were doing were scratching their heads! “And how did you afford the expensive Champagne?” they asked. The Butler responded, “Simple, I just waited for a couple to get up and dance, and then I passed by the table and gently removed the bottles of Champagne. I mean they must be finished with the bottles, by leaving them on the table with no one around!”

6. The Planter –Night visit. Early 1970’s:

There was a sugar cane planter who enjoyed his life to the fullest, and there was always a lot of rum in his life. Always ready to party and socialize. You could call him anytime and he would fire (consume) a drink with you. On a couple of occasions after partying all night a group would pass by his plantation and would wake him up in some ungodly hour in the morning, and he would get out of bed and have a rum or two, — at 4:00 am! So, one night, a very still night with absolutely no wind, you could hear a pin drop, there was a party for some visiting salesmen, who had a great time. When the party was over at about 1:00 am, they decided to show the salesmen how friendly and nice the people of St. Kitts are and decided to visit the Plantation and fire a drink with the sugar cane planter. They drive into his yard, toot the horn (a bit longer than was necessary, like reeeaaaaally long) and proceed to get out of the car. And the night was deathly still, absolutely no wind or any sound. Then, suddenly, there were the loudest sounds one could possibly hear since WW2, VVVVVAAAAARRRROOOOOOOMMMMM, then shortly another VVVAAAAROOOOOOOMMMMM. Everyone froze in their tracks. Then the driver said in an urgent, panicked voice, “Everyone, in the car, quick, let us get out of here!” Apparently, the planter had been drinking all night, and when people arrived to wake him up, he was not in the mood to drink anymore, so he emptied both barrels of his shot gun!! Fortunately, he shot in the air and not at them, but nonetheless, he had consumed much rum and probably did not know the difference. Not sure what the two salesmen thought about the double barrels, but they were scared sh**less to say the least. One of them said later, he thought we were going to fire another drink, not get fired on!!

7. The Planter.  Overseas visit. The early 1960’s.

During the early 1960’s, the Caribbean was not known for its service and facilities that you can get today. In fact, you had to have your own fun. So, a married couple from St. Kitts, with their kids, decided to visit Antigua for a two-week vacation during the early 1960’s to visit their family. There were no scheduled flights in those days, so a plane was chartered to Antigua. The couple were known to be fun loving although the wife was known to have a fiery temper. Somewhere during the Antigua visit, a decision was made to visit the neighboring island of Montserrat for the day. The kids were left in Antigua with friends, and three couples proceeded to Montserrat by air charter for a day trip. They left Antigua at 7:30 am and were scheduled to leave at 4:00 pm. The plane landed safely, and a sightseeing tour of Montserrat was arranged, and a good amount of rum was consumed. The day was finished by eating lunch at a small hotel, and an afternoon lounge by the tiny swimming pool. And a few more drinks! At about 3:30 pm it is time to leave for the airport to catch the return charter flight to Antigua. One of the husbands, the Planter from St. Kitts, is sitting at the Hotels pool bar in just his swimming trunks. So, when the taxi arrives to take them to the airport, the husband had just ordered a final rum punch and was saying to “Wait until I finish this drink, I won’t be long!” His fiery wife throws a fit, grabs the small bag with their clothes, wallet, money, passports and charter tickets, jumps in the taxi with the other two now very concerned couples, and arrives at the airport. The charter flight was waiting, so they jumped in, and the plane took off, leaving the good husband stranded in Montserrat. After the 30-minute flight to Antigua, they travel to their friend’s home to pick up the kids and the wife immediately thereafter proceeds to the hotel where they were staying, collects the hotel key, goes to the hotel room, opens the door — and nearly faints. Inside the room fast asleep (passed out in the bed) is the same husband who she left in Montserrat. The same husband who she left with no clothes, no shoes, no shirt, no money, no passport, no air ticket, no available flights to Antigua, and here he is sleeping in the bed! She then fainted! He never told her what transpired to the day he died. But he told a couple of his friends!

So, what really happened? When his wife and friends left in the taxi for the airport, the good gentleman had a few sips of his rum punch and then considered how to get to the airport. Fortunately, the bar had just closed, and the barman took pity on him, and borrowed the hotels old car, and dropped him to the airport. As he arrives at the airport, he observes the charter flight just taking off and heading to Antigua. He had missed the flight, as his wife refused to wait on him! But fate is a wonderful thing! Just as he was wondering what to do, a distant cousin, who also does charter flights, lands a small plane at the airport dropping off a wealthy couple in Montserrat. He says, “John, I need a lift to Antigua, my wife has taken my wallet and passport and gone back to Antigua!” Having pity on him, and returning to Antigua with an empty plane, John checks with the Immigration official, who remembered him arriving that morning, had his passport details, and says “Yes man, no problem, go through, I will do the paperwork to clear him out.” In those days, things were not so strict! John makes it clear to the husband that he will only drop him by the immigration entry point for incoming passengers and will take the plane down to the hanger. John said “If they lock you up there is nothing I can do! After I tie down the plane I will drive by the airport, but if I don’t see you, I will go home!” So, after the planes lands in Antigua, the good husband struggles out of the plane and proceeds to immigration, with his Rum punch still in one hand, and only in his swimming trunks, no shoes, no shirt, no money, no passport, — basically no hope! He strolls up to the immigration officer in Antigua, and before he could say anything the officer says, “But wait, that’s you, from St. Kitts? I am originally from St. Kitts and went to the same school as you and all of us young boys used to play cricket with you older boys during recess!” A brief explanation of his predicament, the immigration officer says “Oh, that must be the lady who just landed a few minutes ago, she was quite vocal! Don’t worry, I remember you leaving this morning and I have all your passport details. No problem, man, go through, just go through, no problem, go ahead, no problem!” So, the good husband goes out of the terminal, the Rum Punch still in his hand, and his cousin John is just passing in his car.

The good husband jumps in and is dropped straight to the hotel where he was staying, and which is just a few minutes away from the airport. Now in the 1960’s no one locked their hotel rooms as theft was unheard of. So, the good husband proceeds to his hotel room, opens the door, finishes his Rum punch, and goes to sleep! No clothes, no money, no shirt, no shoes, no airline ticket, no passport, no hope — no problem!

8. Paddy – World War 1. 1918:

Many Caribbean people served in World War 1. Paddy was one of many who volunteered. Paddy was born in St. Kitts, and when war was declared, this young 18-year-old volunteered and was shipped out. He joined the Royal Fusiliers and later the Connaught Rangers and fought in the trenches in France and Belgium, injured twice, and was lucky to make it out alive. After the war, Paddy became a prominent businessman, started horse racing in St. Kitts, founded the Chamber of Commerce and was President for many years, and was later appointed to the Legislative Council that Governed the island. When he died, he was given a state funeral. All through this time, Paddy had a great affiliation for Brandy! At many social functions, he often drank only Brandy. Every Saturday night, he would play Bridge at one of the Clubs and would instruct the barman to open a bottle of Brandy, serve no one else from that bottle, and when the bottle was empty to inform him and he would play his last hand, and then go home! So, one day someone asked Paddy, “Hey, Paddy, why do you love Brandy so much?” Paddy responded, “Because Brandy once saved my life. If it were not for Brandy, I would not be here today!” His friend though that was a bit of a strange answer and thought that with the amount of Brandy that Paddy now drank, it was more likely to kill him than save him! So, his friend asked, “How did Brandy save your life?”  Paddy responded, “In October 1918, we were in the trenches in France, we were ordered to go over the top when the Germans started a barrage of artillery shelling, and shooting, and I got shot, severely wounding me. I lost a lot of blood. I was put on a stretcher and carried to the field hospital in an old farmhouse, a bit behind our front lines.  When I arrived, there were many wounded, far more than the doctors and surgeons could handle. The orderlies knew the standard protocol. Soldiers from the battlefield were put in one of three groups when they arrived at the makeshift Hospital. Those that had injuries that may be treatable were put in the first area, those that were very seriously wounded with little chance of survival but still alive were put in a second area, and those that arrived dead, they put in a third group. Paddy was put in the second group and literally given up for dead! The surgeons would treat those in the first group first, and when they finished, they would look to the second group, those few that had survived the wait. But the casualties were particularly high on that fateful day.” Paddy continued, “And the surgeons never quite finished with the guys in the first pile, because as soon as some were treated, more injured soldiers would arrive. They were running very low on morphine, but they had some Brandy. Rather than waste precious morphine on the seriously injured, most of whom would not survive for very long, we were given Brandy, almost like a last rite. As so many persons from the second pile died shortly after their arrival, I was given more Brandy than normal.” Paddy paused for a while, reflected, and said “There is absolutely no doubt in my mind, that if it was not for the Brandy on that fateful day, I would never have survived!” He finished by saying “So, whenever I drink Brandy, I am reminded that no odds are too great to overcome! It is a good reminder!” Paddy suffered back pains for the rest of his life, until he died in 1961, but he made sure he enjoyed every single day from 1918 to 1961! Brandy, the drink of life, not death!

9. Paddy—The Chauffeur. Late 1920’s

Paddy was a World War 1 veteran. He survived the war, and he loved to drink Brandy. It saved his life, he claimed. One Saturday night, after he finished his bottle of Brandy, he attempted to drive home, he drove his car over a twenty-foot cliff, into the shallow sea below. But Paddy survived! His wife put her foot down and informed Paddy that he must hire a full-time chauffeur, so Paddy sheepishly agreed. So, a couple of days later, Paddy informs his wife that he has hired a chauffeur. “Oh,” she says, what is his name?” Paddy replied, “His name is Torpedo Joe!”  His wife replied with a frown on her face. “Who”. “His name is Torpedo Joe! When I explained why I wanted a chauffeur, he thought the car must have looked like a Torpedo when it entered the sea! I liked his sense of humor and hired him on the spot. We may have to pay him to get his driving license, but I will take care of that!”

Paddy’s wife nearly fainted!

10. First war casualty in WW 2 – in the Colonies. 1939.

It is reputed that the first casualty of WW 2 of any Caribbean national, occurred in St. Kitts! Everyone knew that war with Germany was coming. In the colonies many people listened to BBC news on their short-wave radio daily, to keep abreast of the situation. But short-wave radios were in relatively short supply. So, the “well to do” travelled to one of the owners of short-wave radios daily, who was usually a plantation owner. And of course, with that came rum drinking as part of the daily event! One day, the inevitable happened, BBC advised that Winston Churchill and Great Britian had declared war on Germany. The colonies were at war! An immediate decision was made! Within minutes of the announcement, everyone was to go home with immediate effect in case the German bombers arrived, and to blacken out their windows. So, this group of 4 teenagers, in an open convertible type, 1939 era vehicle, took off at one speed, a race against the German Bombers and to get home for another rum to calm the nerves. The first corner on the estate road was a bit too sharp and the car crashed off the road, and one of the occupants broke their hand. Oh no! “Quick,” said one of the boys, “Don’t worry about the hospital, go straight home in case the German bombers show up and catch us! Hurry up!” Yes, the first casualty of WW 2, just minutes after war was declared. In the Colonies!

11. Vessel “RUM TRIP.” Early 1980’s.

Boating in the Caribbean is a lot of fun, and it usually involves plenty of partying! In fact, nothing is more telling when there was a boat officially called “SUN TRIP” but it was more affectionally known as “RUM TRIP!” There was a hotel called Jack Tar Village, and the previous night the boys met some girls and invited them boating the following day. So, around midday, the girls were picked up at Frigate Bay beach, boarded the boat and off they went up the South-East Peninsula coast, approximately 9 or 10 persons in total, eventually anchoring at “Shitten Bay” (yes, that is the real name on all the official maps of St. Kitts). So, the party started, and a great time was being had by all, rum was flowing, and soon all the girls decided to go topless. After a few more drinks, all the guys decided to wear the discarded bikini tops, and life was sweet! Then disaster!! Massive disaster!! Just when the party was cranking up a notch, the rum finished! Oh no, not now!! However, a small group of campers who were known by the captain, were seen on Friar’s Bay beach when RUM TRIP was going up the coast and they were barbequing fish. And we knew they had Rum! So off they went and anchored just off the Friar’s Beach. Then we realized that the girls were topless, and the guys were still wearing bikini tops! So, it was decided to let the girls go ashore and ask for the rum, surely, they would not be refused. However, knowing our friends on the beach, we decided that was a bad idea, because the girls might be enticed to stay where the rum was if they did not give us any. So overboard a couple of the guys went, wearing the women’s bikini tops, found out that there was plenty of rum to spare, solicited a bottle or two, and returned to the boat, up went the music and the party started again! The guys on the beach were having such a good time they did not even notice the topless girls on the boat! Just as well, as they may have turned into instant pirates, and boarded the vessel!!

12. The Soap-box Cart. Early 1960.

The 1960’s was a wonderful time to grow up in the Caribbean. No internet, no television, no indoors, no crime, no problems. It was very normal for parents to let their children out of the house to roam the neighborhood and tell them to return before dark. This was quite common. So, all the boys in the neighborhood ranging from around 7 years old to about 10 years old used to play Cowboys and Indians, Cops and Robbers, go fishing down by “Flat Rock cove (to catch either a parrot fish or a Sorey bum fish), or hang out by the old, abandoned Fort Thomas, with its 10 cannons. But foremost in the minds of the youngsters, Soap Box derbies were the order of the day. The boys decided they will make a cart! Visiting a couple of parents’ homes looking around the garages and junk rooms, a long piece of 4 x 4 wood was found, an old wooden box, some old lawn mower wheels from a couple of old manual lawn mowers, some nails, timber, small rope and low and behold, a cart with wheels was built. About 5 could fit in the box, and one could stand on the rear axle after he started pushing down the hill, and one could sit in the front beam and steer! One steep hill was nearby, the hill by Fort Thomas going down to the bottom, beyond which there was about a 60-foot drop to the rocky coast by the sea. And there were only a few small bushes at the bottom of the road, no guide rail or anything. At the bottom, the road turned 90 degrees to the left – a sharp left turn. The brake of the go cart consisted of a piece of wood nailed into the side, and when you pulled it backwards it, it was supposed to create friction with the wheel to slow it down, but it tended to break off with the slightest pressure when testing while stationary. No problem, an easy fix, the cart has breaks to slow it down at the bottom of the hill! No test drive, no gentle hill to try it out, everyone wild to jump in – so jump in they did and off they went down this 100-yard hill, gathering speed. Faster, faster! One person is steering using the rope tied to the movable front axle, 5 in the box cart, and one standing in the back axel. About halfway down the hill with the speed really building, someone says “Hey, better slowdown” One of the guys in the back pulls the brake lever – which promptly breaks in two. No brakes! How in the world all 7 of these kids did not go crashing off the cliff onto the rocks I will never know! The driver steered the cart to the right side of the road hoping to rub the wheels against the verge of the sidewalk to slow down the cart. It worked briefly, until the cart reared up and then landed back on its four wheels with cart almost at the bottom of the road. The driver turns the cart left, at speed, for the 90 degrees turn in the road as the only option, meanwhile sending the youngster on the back of the axel flying from the cart! Somehow the turn was just wide enough to get the cart around the corner without crashing over the cliff. To this day I can still see the likely headlines “Seven kids killed in unfortunate accident.” And while the road was not busy in those days, if there was any traffic coming in the opposite direction, there would have been no need for the cliff! The headlines would have been the same! To this day none of the children’s parents knew of the close shave. But you know what, the next weekend, the same 7 kids, with “new and improved brakes,” were at it again! They say God looks after children!

13. The Big Competition 1970s.

There were three young couples, each married for about a few years. They met on one Friday night at the home of one of the couples for a get-together. All the wives had recently had a baby, and all three baby boys were around six months old. So, as happens in the Caribbean, the boys sat together powdering (drinking) some good Scotch while the ladies were together talking away exchanging baby stories, and for the first time since the birth of their babies, decided to have a couple of glasses of wine themselves. This was early in the evening, and the three babies were fast asleep in a big bed with safety sides. So, for the boys, this was the first real opportunity to have a few drinks since the birth of the children. Well, the boys continued to drink, and after a while hinted that they were getting hungry. So, the girls were in deep conversation about each of their kids and what they do and what they don’t do, decided they would go and pick up some take-away food just down the road and bring it back to eat at home. They left the husbands to babysit for that short period, after all, the husbands are quite responsible, all with good jobs, and this was the first time they had a chance to have a couple of drinks. Plenty brownie points! Off the ladies go in the car to get the food, confident that their responsible husbands can babysit for a few minutes, I mean, what could go wrong? They were away no longer than about twenty minutes when they returned with the food, only to hear one big argument, coupled with raucous laughter! Loud laughter was coming from the room where the three six-month olds were sleeping! The wives were immediately concerned, knowing the nature of the husbands, they rushed into the bedroom and found the three husbands laughing away, and arguing, and then becoming very sheepish when the ladies arrived. “What’s going on,” they asked, quite annoyed! Then, after reviewing the scene, it dawned on exactly what was happening. The husbands had a big competition in which one of their sons had the biggest willie! After a big argument, they had taken off the diapers to prove to each other which one of their sons had the largest willy.

Needless to say, the husbands were in the doghouse for weeks thereafter. However, none of the fathers ever admitted that their son lost but fortunately this competition occurred before the days of cell phones.

Nothing further needs to be said!

14. The Fishing Alarm Clock 1980s

There was this husband who loved fishing. He was fanatical about fishing! If he had to wake up early to go fishing, no problem, anytime, even if it was well before the crack of Dawn. But funnily enough if he had to wake up for any other reason other than fishing, he would never really get out of bed. It drove his wife crazy!

A couple of weeks before his birthday she was travelling overseas and was browsing one of the big department stores. She went into the large fishing section to see if she could buy something for her husband for his birthday. She asked the store helper for assistance, and he suggested an alarm clock. “An alarm clock?” she said with surprise, “that’s not really related to fishing, is it?” The store clerk explained that it was the fastest selling item in the store.  He elaborated and explained that this was not a normal alarm clock. and when it went off it sounded exactly like a fish was taken out line with the ratchet on. He said, “The alarm clock does not go beep, beep, beep, it goes with a sound like fish on a line, with the ratchet on!” It starts with a two second ratchet sound, a pause, then a three second ratchet sound, a pause, and then a very loud, continuous ratchet sound, with shouting in the background. You must hear this alarm going off!” She immediately buys it, and a couple of weeks later, sets the alarm for the morning of his birthday, not too early, but early enough! At the set time, the alarm goes off! “ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ and then a pause. He stirs. Then a second later, a longer “ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ” He stirs again, half-awake now, as instinct is kicking in! And a second later, at a much higher volume, the alarm goes “ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Full metal ratchet! With a background voice on the alarm saying, “Get up, you got a big, big fish, grab the line, quick, get up, get up!” Awake now, not really knowing where he was, a good-sized hang over clouding his reality, he falls out of bed and drops on the ground, “Bam!”

Well, he was not really amused the alarm clock that first time, but it worked every single time in the future as no serious fisherman can remain sleeping with the sound of a line being taken by a fish, and the ratchet on, and voice telling you “Get up, you’ve got the big one!”

Of course, after a couple of weeks, his wife found the alarm clock even more annoying than her husband!

15. Downtown St. Martin.1980’s.

St. Kitts and St. Maarten are neighboring islands about 60 miles apart. Part of St. Maarten is Dutch; the other part is French. Both are a long distance from Florida, and a really, long distance from Texas. There was a middle-aged Texan, a big Texan, who had made it relatively successful in the dot.com investments and got out at the right time. He liked St. Kitts and bought a house there. He soon met several friends in St. Kitts and one day, our Texas friend and his wife, along with another couple from St. Kitts decided to fly to St. Maarten for the weekend.

On the second morning they are sitting in a café downtown having a coffee, chilling out. During the morning it was rush hour traffic and the cars were moving very slowly, sometimes not moving at all. A fancy car was slowly passing. The Texan watches this car and then frowns and stands up. He then walks a little closer, and then says, “That’s my car, it was stolen from me in Texas, that’s my car!” The other couple are a little perplexed, but the Texan continues, “Yes, that’s my car I would recognize it anywhere!” His friend was a bit doubtful and concerned with the developing situation, as his Texas friend says even louder, “That’s my stolen car!” He continued, “I can prove it, I always leave a gun under the dashboard in a hidden spot where no one can find it not even the Texas police!” Before his friend could comment, the Texan walks over to the car, which was stuck in Traffic, open the car door ignoring the driver, reaches under the dashboard, and pulls out a gun from under the dashboard! “He waves the gun in the air in the middle of the St. Maarten main street and shouts “See, I told you it was my car, here is my gun!”, pointing it up in the air, like a trophy! By this time, the other couple and the Texans’ wife were freaking out as this situation could get a little out of hand.

Needless to say, the rest of the day was spent with the St. Maarten police authorities while the whole situation was sorted out. To everyone’s surprise they were allowed to leave on their scheduled flight back to St. Kitts late that afternoon, but the day was totally wasted! They never found out if the local police followed up on the stolen car report or if they were only concerned about a tourist waving a gun in the middle of the street!

16. The Smart Husband. 2010.

One night, this husband came out of the shower, put on his pajamas, and went into his bed to watch some TV. His wife was already in their bed, checking Instagram on her cell phone. The husband thought he would be cheeky and while sitting right next to his wife, he sends her a WhatsApp message, “Hi Darling, I hope you’re feeling great! Love you!” He heard a “ping” coming from his wife’s cell phone and a couple of seconds later she said in a somewhat indignant tone, and frown on her face, “Did you just send me a WhatsApp message and you sitting right next to me?” The husband smiled and replied, “I’m not sure why you’re asking if I sent that message, because if somebody else is sending you a message telling you that they love you, and it not me, then you’re in big trouble.” The wife responds in disgust at the jibe, “Ooohhhh, I’m not speaking to you anymore”. The husband smiles and thinks, “Maybe that’s why I sent you a WhatsApp in the first place, Darling!”

There was no further conversation for the rest of that night!

17. The Missing Corn. 1960’s:

In the late 1960s, the government of St. Kitts & Nevis started an experimental agricultural project, growing corn. The goal was to see if corn could be grown commercially in the Caribbean under heat and their harsh weather conditions. They started a small crop in an area called Olivees in base of the mountains of Saint Kitts next to a small residential area. One day three teenage boys were driving to visit their friend when they passed this cornfield with inviting corn, just waiting to be picked. By pure coincidence, they were having a BBQ on the beach the following afternoon. So, the boys thought, well corn would go down well with their Bar-B-Que, so they jumped into the field, picked most of the corn, and packed them in the old beat-up car and off they went, laughing about how easy that was. They had more corn than they needed so they planned to sell the extra corn, to help pay for the costs of some of the rum for the party. The next day, Party on the beach started, and everything is going well! BBQ going, rum flowing, everybody’s liming and partying, so they throw some of the corn on the Bar-b-que, sold the extra corn, and a great time was had by all! “This is the best corn I have ever tasted in my life, much better than that imported sub-standard stuff from overseas that we buy in the supermarket” said one hotelier! All was good and the beach party went on late into the night! The next day they were listening to the news on the local radio station, ZIZ, and there was an item in the news that most of the experimental crop of corn being grown at Olivees, had been stolen. The boys turned up the volume, while giggling! The newscaster continued, “The government’s experimental crop of Corn at Olivees has been stolen. Police are investigating. The Agricultural Department would like to advise the public not to consume or purchase any corn from an unknown source because the experimental crop of corn was experiencing a major weevil bug problem, and they had sprayed it with a significant amount of chemicals to see if it would kill the Weevil bug. This chemical could be dangerous if consumed by humans.” A deathly silence engulfs the occupants of the car! The silence was deafening!

Over the next couple of days, the boys laid low, really worried that people would be extremely sick, and it would be traced back to them and the stolen corn! Just a handful of people had land line phones in those days, like the hotel manager, so a few discreet phone calls were made. The feedback was only a couple of ladies complained about experiencing diarrhea, which the boys promptly blamed on the new rum that they tried out! Much relieved, they breathed a sigh of relief! They just assumed that the fire from the BBQ must have burnt off all the chemicals and everybody was good! One of the boys asked, “But what about the corn that we sold that we did not cook?” They thought about it, and then said, “No problem, the persons who bought the corn, would have to cook it as well, they can’t eat it raw, so hopefully the chemicals will burn off!”

The crime remains unsolved to this day!

18. “Run & Gunpower” verses “C 181” 1980’s.

Every year around the 1980’s, there was a windsurf and sunfish regatta from St. Kitts to Nevis. It started on Frigate Bay beach in St. Kitts and ended in Oualie Beach in Nevis, a sail of about 9 or 10 miles. Most of the race was in the calm waters in the lee of St. Kitts but the last mile or more was a sail in the open channel between the two islands, directly upwind, so a lot of tacking and skill was involved. Two good friends had a rivalry which started in a bar on who could sail the best and who would beat who in the race. There were a couple of old sunfishes’ boats for sale in Nevis, so they managed to purchase two old ones, — like very old ones! So, with a week to go, they register these two sunfish boats with the relevant authorities and get registration numbers. One guy called his boat “Rum and Gunpowder” as it seemed to fit his personality. The other was undecided until he got his registration number C 181, so he called his boat “One ate one”. Now this race got quite big for a few years, with entrants not only from St. Kitts & Nevis, but also from Antigua, St. Martin, St. Baths, Anguilla, and a couple of other islands. There were lots of safety power boats cruising around, as safety was a priority. A big priority! So, the race starts, and “Rum and Gunpowder” gets a great jump and was in the lead for all of about 15 seconds. It was a close race between “Rum & Gunpowder” and “One ate one” with the lead changing a couple of times until they entered the channel and started the upward leg. Then it hit! It really hit! A violent squall out of nowhere! A massive isolated black thunderstorm cloud appeared out of the East and the wind picked up very strong, the rain came down in buckets horizontally, and of course, the sea got very rough. And visibility was minimal, like just a dozen feet. So, the Captain of “Rum & Gunpowder” decides to tack to try and get closer to shore and as they turn, the boom of the sunfish flies around and catches the captain on the small tag on the back of the life vest (he had wisely ducked his head out of the way) and the boat capsizes! In the rough sea with no visibility! When you are in the water, Captain and one crew, and the sea is very rough, the wind is howling, visibility is close to nil, and the dagger board is floating away, it would have been nice for a safety boat to be around, just in case! But ooohhh no! The sea got rough, so every single safety boat headed for shore as the sea was too rough for them, leaving all windsurfers and sunfish sailors at their own means! Safety my arse! Anyway, the captain unwisely swam the 15 feet in the big waves to rescue the dagger board, and it took them about 5 minutes to right the boat and climb back on aboard in difficult conditions, when as suddenly as it started, the squall passes, the sun comes out in all its glory, visibility is about 20 miles. And the wind stops! Not just reduces but totally stops and everyone is becalmed. It was so calm that if you did not paddle with your arms, you would drift down current, away from the finishing beach. It took about 45 minutes before any semblance of wind returned! Of course, most other boats did not turnover miraculously, so were way ahead and reached Oualie Beach in Nevis long before, while it took about 2 further hours for “Rum & Gunpowder” to finish the upwind journey, her crew having been overboard when everyone was sailing in the squall! You could hear the music and see everyone on the beach partying, while the boat travelled like in slow motion, almost in reverse. And to make matters worse “Rum & Gunpowder” must have had a leak so when they eventually reached Oualie beach it took six people to lift the boat up the beach as the enclosed hull was total full of water! Full! What a race! I remember thinking that next year, none of this sailing nonsense for me, I will be in a safety boat, where we can shelter from the rain and the rough sea like every other safety boat!!

19. The St. Kitts Regatta, — the following year- “Rum Trip” Early 1980’s:

 So, one year later, the good friends decide they finished with sailing so they would follow the race by their 18-foot boat, officially called “Sun trip” but more affectionally known as “Rum trip!” A couple of days prior to the race date, the boys saw a few senior members of the Yacht club and offered to be one of the safety boats, during the regatta. Well, the response was “Sure, but this year, no one at all on any safety boats is allowed to drink until the race is over, until they reach to Oualie Beach. Last year all the captains headed for shore during a squall, and we feel it was because they were drinking!”

The captain of “Sun Trip” aka “Rum Trip” thought “Yeah, right!” So, he then said, “OK, we really cannot go boating and wait 3 hours before we have a light beverage, so we won’t be an official safety boat, but will be following the race and will keep a look out.” “Yes, that’s fine, but remember you are not an official safety boat!’ was the reply.

On the day of the race, there was “Rum trip” with her Captain, First mate, another friend, and an American student whose known by the name, “Major Unit” but that is another story! The race starts, and “Sun trip” aka “Rum trip” is following keenly with the three boatmen along with “Major Unit” as one of the crew.  With different participants from different islands, it was quite interesting, but after about an hour, the boys decided to go to Shitten Bay (it’s on the map) to have a beer. Shitten bay is the last bay before you leave the lee of the island of St. Kitts and enter the channel between St. Kitts and Nevis. The water is crystal clear, flat calm, with the most inviting blue sea from the white sandy bottom, you could imagine. The origin of the name is another story, but that Bay is absolutely beautiful! And when anchoring at Shitten bay you could see the sunfish boats as they pass a hundred yards to the West. The boys had a couple of beers each, relaxed for about an hour in the pristine environment, and decided to pull anchor, proceed up the channel and head to Oualie Beach for the party. Good, no sign of any squall! As they are leaving, the captain notices a very small dot on the western horizon, like a bright orange dot. “What is that?” he asked. The others looked and said, “who knows, let’s go to Oualie beach!” The captain hesitates, and keeps looking at the orange dot, far in the horizon. “Come on Captain, let’s go!” Another hesitation, and the captain finally said, “You know what, it will take us 5 minutes to head in that direction, and we should close enough to be able to see whatever that orange thingy is.”

 So, with a grumbling crew, they proceeded dead West, away from the island, heading out to sea, and after a few minutes it became clear it was a sail from a sunfish. “What the heck are they doing so far off course and this far West, and out to sea?” A couple of minutes later they reached the Sunfish, and it was in big distress. The Sunfish was two-thirds submerged with only the bow out of the water, and one of the two members was a 10-year-old boy, absolutely stricken with fear. They were trying to reach back to land but were heading directly into the wind, and their Sunfish was sinking slowly but surely, — with a 10-year-old boy on board. Mr. “Major Unit” jumps overboard to steady the Sunfish as we pull alongside. The two Sunfish sailors were taken aboard, and their Sunfish was secured with a rope to be towed. “Thank you so much that you guys came” said the older guy, “we were really in trouble and thank you so much for rescuing us.” He continued, “Our rudder broke, and we tried to get the attention of the safety boats, but they were all seemed to be too busy looking at the race to notice us!” After a few minutes, everything calmed down, the young 10-year-old was still shaking, but comfortable in the knowledge that he had been rescued, and all would be well!

However, memories of the previous year’s race resurfaced when it took two hours to complete the final leg of the journey after being becalmed after the squall.  This time, the sunfish that they were towing, was so heavy and full of water, that “Rum trip” could not plane, so chugged through the water at an incredibly slow pace. The captain could only hear the music from Oualie beach, which was like torture, but comfortably endured the slow journey, knowing that he had done the right thing and rescued two people in deep distress. Then he smiled to himself as he recalled the words of the boat club committee member “Oh no, you cannot be a safety boat if you have any drinks at all before getting to Oualie beach!” So much for that theory!

“Life in the tropics” the captain thought.

20. The St. Kitts Nevis Regatta – The Windsurfer 1980”s

Most persons who participated in the annual St. Kitts Nevis Regatta, are somewhere between casual and keen sailors, and good windsurfers. Some are youngsters who really like sailing, and this was a great opportunity for their parents to expose them to a regional regatta.

As this annual event had gathered more and more popularity over the years, some of the sailors who participated were quite good, and quite competent by any standard.  One such entrant was a windsurfer from Antigua. This guy was good! I mean like really, good! He heard about the record time from Frigate Bay on St. Kitts to Oualie Beach in Nevis and was confident he could break the record. He was from Antigua. Nevis is about 50 miles West from Antigua and about 60 miles from Frigate Bay in St. Kitts.

Well, the Saturday, the eve before the race, which was always on a Sunday, this Windsurfer windsurfed from Antigua, to Nevis, alone! Wow! I mean all 50 miles! Alone! Non-stop! He pulls into Oualie beach, checks in with immigration (on site as several boats were arriving from nearby islands, so immigration authorities facilitated them) and proceeded to spend the night by sleeping on the beach at Oualie beach! The next day, he wakes up early, and windsurfs from Nevis to Frigate Bay, St. Kitts on the morning of the race, getting there before the scheduled start at 9:00 am. The same day of the race! The very same day! Just warming up, I suppose!  So eventually, the race starts, and our friend from Antigua smashes the previous record by a county mile! He was good!

We were worried about how he would get back to Antigua, as sailing East into the wind would be a lot different from sailing down wind, down current, but one of the boats from Antigua gave him and his windsurfer a lift back to Antigua.

But we all wondered, suppose he had an equipment failure halfway from Antigua to Nevis, what would happen then. We later heard that he went on to represent Antigua in the Olympic games and performed credibly.

He may have tempted fate, but boy, did he cause a stir that year!! The arrival, the record, — and the foolishness!!

21. Running a Bar and Restaurant in an Exclusive/tourist location. 1990’s:

 Interesting characters always end up in the Caribbean. One such gentleman with a very strong oriental accent arrived when he was about 15 years old, and 50 years later in the 1990’s, he was running a restaurant very near to a prestigious residential area, surrounded by hotels. A tourist area! As often happens in the Caribbean, the planning for the layout of commercial properties can be different to other normal planning authorities you may find elsewhere. A couple of years back, the Govt. of the day decided they needed an outpost police station somewhere in the exclusive neighborhood/tourist area. The only space available for rent at that time was —above the said restaurant.

So, his regular customers and friends were amused at this development, saying that if anyone caused any trouble, they could be taken upstairs and locked up without any fuss! One night there was a fair amount of drinking going on, long after the restaurant had stopped serving food and only the bar was open. Just a couple of friends and the owner were there. The owner said to his good friends in his very strong accent, and slightly slurring, “You know, I just bought a Magnum gun!” Of course, his friends were skeptical, “No way, not a chance” they said disbelievingly. “Wait” said the owner and disappeared in the back. A minute later he comes out of his office brandishing this massive Magnum gun, with an ear-to-ear grin, “See, I no lie!” Gobsmacked, the two friends were still in disbelief, when one said, “Be careful with that thing, is it loaded?” The owner responded, “No problem, man, the safety is on …….” Then a massive, ear splitting, waking the dead sound, “VVVVAAAAAARRRROOOOOMMMMM” as the magnum gun went off! Dead silence after the ear-splitting sound of a massive gunshot, in a closed room. Like, real dead silence. Then, “Oh s**t” says the owner, “I thought the safety was on!” Not only was the gunshot sound enough to wake the neighborhood and the dead, but there was also the police station upstairs. And guess what, worse, when the gun went off, it was fortunately pointing upstairs, but that did not stop the bullet going through the wooden ceiling and up through the floor of the police station! And probably through the roof of the police outpost as well! The two friends bolted out of the restaurant, leaving the owner with the smoking gun in his hand! The following day, they were expecting either a visit from the police, or a call from the restaurant owner asking them to post bail, but nothing happened! Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Life continued as though nothing happened! We can only assume that there were no police at the station at the time!

22. Golf–sponsored by Guiness—and the abilities of a Mini-moke.1960’s:

 Golf is not only a sport of competition, but it is also a forum for comradery. The 19^th hole! So, at the tiny Golf Club in the 1970’S at Golden Rock, it was a place to take a visiting salesman where, after a round of golf, he could enjoy a friendly drink with the local golfers, or two or five or seven or more, especially when the sponsor for the day was Guinness, and the drinks were free! The Golf finished at around 10:30 am, and the lads proceeded to drink with their new friend. At 4:00 pm, the barman had to go to Church, so the clubhouse was closed, and the new friend was now the very best friend in the world, so they decided they had to take him way out in the country, by one of their Planter friends, so they could have one for the road! Travelling out in the country, they were passing a recently cut cane field, and the driver was explaining that a mini-moke had many of the characteristics of a land rover, and some inherent four-wheel drive abilities. To demonstrate, the driver said, “Watch how good this mini-moke is” and proceeded to attempt to drive across the cane field. Shortly thereafter they realized that they were stuck, and so it was explained that this was the first time the vehicle had ever got stuck, and it must be lime in the soil causing the wheels to stick!

The police found both gentlemen at midnight after their wives reported a “missing persons” report., — sleeping comfortably in the car, in the cane field!!

23. Lobster fishing and drinking. 1990’s

There was a young man who loved to dive for lobsters. He also enjoyed a couple of drinks. One Friday night, after diving from 7:00 am to 5:00 pm non-stop, and the previous four days as well, he told his buddy that he had not partied for some time, and as his dives for this week were very successful, he was in the mood! So, his friend said sure told him to meet up at Fisherman’s Wharf restaurant and bar at 8:00 pm and they will have a couple of drinks. So, they drink up a storm, and they go from one drinking place to another, having a great time. But truly, at around midnight, the fisherman’s buddy said he was tired and is going home, but the fisherman would have none of that. “One more, one more,” he instructed, so reluctantly the friend has another and is about to leave again, and the fisherman said, “No, you are two behind, so you have to have one more!” This went on for hours and every time the friend tried to leave the fisherman would buy more drinks. Eventually at about 4:00 am the friend eventually gets to sneak away leaving the fisherman to party with some new friends. He went home and crawled into bed and passed out, until mid-morning when he heard ………… “Riiinnnggg, rrriiinnnggg, rrriinngg,” — his phone. “Who the hell is calling me so early in the morning!” he thought. He answers with a croaky voice “Hello?” A female responded on the other end of the phone, and he recognized the voice as the mother of the fisherman!” “Oh no”, he thought, “maybe he had accident or something and was in hospital.” The mother started “Do you know my son is in hospital?” in quite loud voice. The friend, shocked, and quite worried asked “What happened, is he all right?” The mother responded, “Well you should know” and continued with a shout, “it’s totally your fault that he is in hospital.” The friend started to panic as his recollection of the last hour or two the previous night was very vague, if at all. “What, what did I do?” he stammered, fear gripping him. She explained in a loud voice “You took him out last night, you encouraged him to drink, and drink all night, you would not let him go home!” Blind panic now, with a sweat breaking out. She further explained, “You took him out and made him drink so much that when he got home, he was totally dehydrated, and close to death, and we had to call the ambulance. He is still in hospital under observation, with drip tubes in his hand, but he is much better now.”  “Thank you for letting me know, I apologize,” said the friend. The mother hung up, and the friend thought “He goes spearfishing for lobster in the hot sun for 10 straight hours, for 4 straight days, alone, not drinking any water, then I try to leave after a couple of hours of drinking, and it’s MY fault!” He thought, “Well I be darned!”

He also thought about a few more things but we won’t go there.

24. The Hotel manager and the Lizard. 1980’s

Many years ago, in the early 1980’s there was a manager of a small hotel in the prime tourist area in St. Kitts. He loved a good drink from time to time, and he had a very good friend from Scotland who loved to put a few drinks away himself. So, one Sunday, the Manager is off duty, wakes up early, plays a 9-hole round of golf at the small golf club close to the airport. They finished golf around 10:00 am so by mid-afternoon, the two of them are absolutely sloshed, and they headed to a beach bar, and had a few more drinks. They then decide to go back to the hotel that the manager operates to have “one for the road” there were a sprinkling of guests at the bar. One of the guests saw a lizard on the wall behind the bar and enquired to his wife “Is that a lizard on the wall” At that point, the manager pulls out a revolver, discharges two shots at the lizard and proclaims “No, madam, that is a dead lizard, on the wall!” We are uncertain if the Managers wife paid bail, or she managed to convince the police that all was well! The owners of the hotel were not happy!

25. The young lad and his first car. 1980’s

A young lad just bought his first car, and went out parting on Saturday night, met a tourist girl at the lighthouse and took her for a drive. He decided to park up just a short distance from the nightclub, on a road with an adjacent, a long, wide, six-foot-deep culvert which ran for around two hundred meters alongside the road. Things got frisky so the new car owner put down the car handbrake as it as “getting in the way.”  A few minutes later, they started doing what a lot of young adults do, and the car was misting up fast. He recalled later, “I thought I felt the car moving but I believed it was our frolicking that was causing the feeling” A few moments later he felt a big movement and a loud crash, and next thing he knows, the car is vertical, facing front end up like the space shuttle. Apparently, as the hand-break was off, and the car was parked on a small decline, it rolled into the culvert, back first!! Repairs cost over EC$5,000, which we all thought was a very expensive night out in the town. Of course, the new car owner claimed that he finished the job even when the car was imitating the space shuttle! They both had to walk back to the nightclub and beg for a lift home!

The joys of being young!

26. How “Duck” got the name ‘Duck.” 1960’s

In the early 1960’s there were three teenage boys who were the best of friends. One was short and stocky, one was of average height and weight, and one was tall, skinny, lanky, like a broom handle, whose name was Norman.  Hunting was quite popular at the time, especially shorebird bird hunting in the salt and freshwater ponds of St. Kitts, particularly among the older generation. There was virtually no crime on the island and kids basically were allowed to run and play outside until darkness, by which time they were expected to be back at home, or else!

On occasions, some parents even lent their shotguns to responsible sons even if they were still in their early teens. This was only done if their sons had been on many hunting trips before and were well versed with all the safety procedures of hunting and safety protocols of using a shotgun.

So, there were three sons who were extremely good friends and one of the parents lent his 15-year-old son his shotgun to go hunting by the ponds at Frigate Bay and Half Moon Bay. They had been with their father many times in the past, hunting and shooting and were well versed with all the safety procedures of hunting and using guns.

On the planned Saturday morning, the young boys were dropped off around the ponds at 7:00 am in the morning and were to be picked up at 3:00 pm the same afternoon. They hunted and searched, but the birds were scarce. Eventually, they managed to shoot 3 water (pond) birds. For the boys any successful shooting of a pond bird was automatically “a Duck”, even though it was most likely just a wader such as a Lesser Yellowleg, it was still called “a Duck,” as far as the boys were concerned.

At 3:00 pm at the designated area they were picked up by the mother of one of the boys. “What did you shoot?” she enquired. The short stocky boy answered, “Oh, we nailed three ducks!” So, the mother replied, “Well, listen, when we get home, I can cook them up for you for supper.” They all thought that was a great idea. So, when they got home, the boys talked and reminisced about the hunting day while they waited for dinner to be ready and served. At about 6:00 pm, they sit down at the kitchen table and supper was brought to them. Three cooked birds, one for each person. Whether they were slightly overcooked or because the feathers were plucked, or because they were small birds, on their dinner plates in front of them were these scrawny, skinniest, dryest “things” with virtually no meat on them, that was presented for dinner. Chicken wings had plenty of meat compared to this presentation! One of the boys commented in disgust, “What kind of skinny birds are these?” They looked at this pathetic serving and realized that to get even a mouthful would be a challenge! The short stocky one looked at his plate, looked at the friend to the left of him, the average sized one, looked at the tall, skinny one, Norman, grinned and said” You know, this skinny bird for supper looks just like Norman, skinny and scrawny!” There was a moment of silence and then a lot of raucous laughter as the two friends, the short stocky one and the average weight on one laughed after the tall skinny one! “He shouted, “That’s it, from now on we’re going to call you “Duck” because you look just like these scrawny birds!” More raucous laughter by all three of them! The next few times they saw Norman, they called him “Duck.” The name stuck, and soon everyone called him “Duck!” And from that point on, at 13 years of age, to the day he died at around 70 years of age, everyone called him “Duck!”

27. Retirement plan; 2023

In St. Kitts, this “gentleman,” formerly one of the boys from the old days, was approaching retirement. He had reached 66 years of age and planned to retire in another couple of years. He had worked hard all of his life, got married late in age, and had two wonderful children. When he was planning to retire, his two sons would still be in university, albeit towards the end of their educational program! So, he decides to write out on a spread sheet, his retirement income, which looked somewhat short, and his anticipated expenses. The expenses frightened the hell out of him, as much of them were currently being paid by the company, which would stop once he had retired. So, he starts the list, — water, internet, cable tv, electricity, food, golf membership, car gas, car maintenance, car insurance, house insurance, medical insurance, etc.,

etc.! Wow, he was getting scared! So, he thought for a bit more, wrote down one or two other expenses he anticipated, like children’s airline flights, university support costs, vacations, house maintenance. etc., etc. with each item he wrote down being more expensive than the previous one. Extremely worried, he thought a bit more, added a couple of items, and thought about the most expensive item of all, and wrote it down! He later telephoned his wife who was visiting the kids in England, and told her, “Darling, I don’t think I can afford to retire!” “Why not” she asked. He elaborated, “Well, I wrote down all of the expenses I could think of, and the last one has convinced me that I cannot afford to retire,” Well, what are the expenses she asked. So, he responded. “Well, — electricity, water, cable ………..” Before he could finish, she said, “Don’t worry Darling, we will manage!” The husband replied, “But I have not told you the most costly and expensive item yet.” She asked, “Oh, what item is that?” He responded, “The last item I wrote down was “Wife—miscellaneous!” He was honestly thinking about all the garden pots, etc., etc., which would somehow become high priority!

The latest update was that up to two weeks later, his wife was still refusing to take any of his phone calls!!

28. Radio station –Carleton University, Canada. 1970’s

Carlton University located in Ottawa in Canada. Many students were enrolled, including one from St. Kitts. As with all Universities, students studied a variety of fields including engineering, business management, accounting etc. etc. But university students are the same all over the world. They are young, a bit crazy and you certainly don’t want to give them too much responsibility, especially with decision making!

In the field of journalism and communications there was a talk of a small radio station being set up on campus, started by students, for students, and run by students. Its range was to be very limited, with a radius of transmission of about 3 miles, just enough to cover the immediate campus area. So, when the students were setting up this radio station they had to select a call sign, and students being students choose a call sign “FCK.” Hmmmmm. So, the radio station finally got permission to broadcast on air, they put up flyers all over campus announcing the time, frequency, and date of the first transmission. At the appointed time, the announcer flicks the switch, and welcomes the listeners by saying, “Welcome everybody, this is radio station FCK and all we need is yooouu!” Nothing more needs to be said!

29. Springfield Cemetery. 1980’s

Funerals happen all the time! People die and go to the great beyond. Most are sad occasions, but sometimes when people attend the “wake” afterwards, and drinks are consumed, it helps to ease the pain. But at one funeral at the main Springfield Cemetery in Basseterre, in the middle of a solemn occasions there was a breakout of laughter, followed by a little embarrassment by the four people who were laughing, causing all the women to frown, and the other men to be curious. After the funeral at the wake, one of the laughing people was questioned why they were laughing. He responded, “One of the guys told us that there is an old statute on the laws of St. Kitts, that says that if you are living in Basseterre, you cannot be buried at Springfield Cemetery.” The others queried that law as they had never heard of it. Then the guy says, “Of course it’s in the laws, because it says if you are “living” in Basseterre, you cannot be buried — or you would be buried ALIVE……!!!!”

30. The Interesting Television Show. 1970’s

In the late 1970’s, a Kittitian emigrated to Canada when he was around 20 years of age, first to Ottawa and later to Vancouver. Eventually, he met a very nice girl, and they got engaged. She was from a good family and very straight. So, a few months later, he and his fiancée visited St. Kitts so she could see the lovely Caribbean Island where her future husband originated from. They stayed with her husband’s brother, who at the time was a confirmed bachelor. One afternoon, two friends visited the house to see their old friend from Canada and the bachelor, and the four of them went on the verandah, and the beers started to flow. Meanwhile, as the boys reminisced about the old days with much raucous laughter, the fiancée decided to leave the boys to talk and went inside the living room and started to look at television, surfing through the channels. A few minutes there was this almighty scream! Somewhat alarmed, the boys rushed inside to see what was wrong, and the fiancée was pointing at the television screen, “I can’t turn it off, I can’t turn it off, I can’t turn off the television” she howled with great panic. When they looked at the channel, there was a porn show on with two individuals doing the most amazing things with each other! The bachelor sheepishly grabbed another set of remote controls and turned off the VCR video. Apparently, Mr. bachelor himself had left a porn movie in the VCR machine, and when the fiancée was channel surfing, she inadvertently hit the “play” button, and that those controls could not turn off the television, so the porn movie continued to play!! To this day, I can still hear the scream “AAyyyeeeeeee!

The four boys resumed their positions back on the verandah to even more continuous laughter, and more beers, while the fiancée went into the bedroom to carry out a much safer activity than watching television — she read a book!

31. University of Windsor – Janitor. Late 1970’s.

During the 1970’s a Kittitian was studying at University in Windsor, Ontario, in Canada. Being a friendly guy from the small islands in the Caribbean, he got talking to everyone. He got to know the Janitor who cleaned the washrooms in the residence. The janitor was pushing 60 years of age and a likable chap. He was from Eastern Europe and had told me the story of how he escaped from the Communist East Europe (USSR), from Bulgaria I believe he said. He told the story of travelling towards the borders and everywhere he went the Security police always had checkpoints and that he often thought they would see through his story that he was going to visit family, but somehow, every time he managed to get through. Once they were about to lock him up, not because he was caught doing something wrong, but because they figured he must have money if he was visiting family, and he had to bribe them with most of his money that he had before they decided to let him go. He said when he finally got to the border, the border guards spotted him and fired shots at him, but he managed to cross over without being injured. A few years later he made it to Canada. One day I was chatting to him while he was working. He had a mop and a bucket on wheels. And then I noticed what he was doing! He was cleaning the urinals and then cleaning one of the wash basins which were directly opposite, then another urinal, then then another one of wash basin with the same mop, straight from the urinal! I was about to ask him why he was doing that, when another janitor came in to talk to him, so I left. I was shocked! Not very healthy! From that point on, when I was shaving in the morning, I ran the water from the tap, rather than fill up the wash basin! Never again! Must be normal in Communist Bulgaria!

32. Swimming with the Dolphins. Early 1980’s

Everyone dreams of swimming with Dolphins! In their natural environment, not when they are in captivity.

Every Sunday, two good friends used to go fishing. They used a small 17.5 foot boat by the name of “Rum Trip” They used to party on the Saturday night and then wake up a bit groggy the following morning, and by 9:00 am they were on the water, heading for the fishing grounds. They liked bottom fishing, where you anchored the boat, and dropped over your lines and pulled up the reef fish, aka, “Pot fish.” Competition was always keen with bragging rights for most fish caught, first fish, and heaviest fish. Beers were always on board! Rum too!

This particular morning there was no wind! The sea was flat and calm, like a pond. Absolutely no wind or any waves! There was a small inner reef off Shitten Bay [yes, that is the name on the map of St. Kitts] and an outer reef about 1 to 2 miles offshore. They decided to head to the outer reef as the sea was so calm. The brand-new depth sounder failed to function, so they tried to find the reef by marks from land. This outer reef varied from about 50 feet to 100 feet in depth, but once you were off the reef, the bottom dropped rapidly to over 400 feet, much longer than any normal anchor rope.

So, they got to the approximate area of the reef and dropped 200 feet of rope on the anchor. The anchor did not touch the bottom. They went out another quarter mile, again could not hit bottom with the anchor!  Out again another quarter of a mile, again the anchor did not touch bottom! Where is this reef?

Suddenly, one of the guys cries out “Me-arm, look at those dolphins, and they are coming our way.” The pod of about 20 dolphins casually swam up to the boat, and swam around it, in circles, some even looking out of the water at the occupants. They were playing all around the boat, gently swimming, diving underneath, even partially jumping out of the water! Wow! After a few seconds the fisherman with the greater hang-over says, “Lets swim with them,” grabs a mask and snorkel and jumps overboard. The Skipper still on board watches his friend for a few seconds, to ensure that the dolphins don’t eat him or something, also grabs his mask and snorkel and is about to dive in for that once in a lifetime experience and then pauses. He freezes! The boat is not anchored! Yes, there is no wind or waves to be sure, and the boat is only drifting very gently with the current. The captain was again about to dive in and then says to himself “No!” If the wind only picks up while they are swimming, and the boat is not anchored, it will blow away very fast, with being miles from shore. “No” he thought, “No!” Swimming with Dolphins may be a great experience, but if the other side of nature and King Neptune got angry, there is no way they could swim the great distance to shore, even with a normal wind, which would also have made the sea choppy.

After about 2 minutes, the Dolphins swam away as suddenly as they appeared! About ten minutes later, the wind suddenly picked up and started to blow with some force without warning, and the sea got rough, and worse than normal. The captain felt justified in his decision. They soon found the reef and the fishing started. Of course, he had now to listen to his friend, about how great it was, and what experience it was, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah etc., etc.

After a great day of fishing, a bit of drinking, and having lunch in Nevis, the captain thought, “What a wonderful day, — and I am still alive!” Good decision making is good for life!!

Years later, thinking back on the experience, he thought “It is a shame that cell phones were not invented then.” Then he remembered the night before and then thought “Thank goodness cell phones were not around then!”

33. Mosquito killer – guaranteed. Late 1920’s

In the late 1920’s, just before the Great Depression, things were booming. Comic books were a treat for kids in the Caribbean whose parents could afford them or those who may have had family living abroad in the USA, who could post them to St. Kitts. In those days everything was shipped via sea-mail, and it took months to reach the Caribbean. One day a father saw his young son who was about 8 years old, becoming very excited when reading a comic book. “Daddy, Daddy, can you order this gift for me for my birthday?” In the back of the comic magazine, they had commercials for things for sale, like Charles Atlas rings (maybe in later years) and other offers. One offer was for a “Mosquito killer – guaranteed!” The islands had recently been experiencing a lot of rain, and the mosquitoes were now out in force. The son’s birthday was months off, so the father writes a letter to his brother in New York asking him to purchase the Mosquito Killer and post it to him back in St. Kitts. One day, months later it arrives. The father gets his wife to wrap the small package in birthday paper, and they give it to their son. He tears open the package, and his eyes light up, as he sees quite clearly the writing “Mosquito killer” on the inside of a wooden square. He finds two small wooden squares, about 3 inches by 3 inches. And that was it! The son looks again in the package and finds instructions! “Ah Ha” The father reads the instructions, which state, “Place one square in one hand, place mosquito on it, and slap down the other square firmly onto the mosquito. The mosquito will be dead—Guaranteed!”

34. Fiddling around. 1980’s.

A certain lady from another island was having an affair on the side unbeknown to her husband. Cheating on him! Fiddling with a boat captain! Eventually, another boat captain moved in on the original boat captain’s action and started having an affair with the same lady, unbeknown to either the first boat captain or the husband.  Eventually, both the husband and the first boat captain found out about his cheating wife! It is said that the first boat captain was more jealous about losing the young wife than the husband was at getting horned! Go figure it out!

35. Hunting with the Planters 1950’s:

A group of Planters and their likeminded friends regularly went shooting up in the hills of St. Kitts. They would go up into the hills for a weekend, for two days and one night, Saturday night. The morning was for hunting, and the afternoon for drinking! One morning they split up into groups, agreeing to return to base by about 2:00 pm. When they returned to the ‘base’ in the mountain, that’s when the beer and rum drinking started. It was a poor day for hunting so most of them returned early and decided to drink the beers first to cool down before starting on the rum. One guy hadn’t returned yet and soon there was only one beer left, so they decided to each take a big sip out of the last beer. Then, feeling guilty not leaving any beer for their missing friend, one hunter had a solution.  He peed into beer bottle and put the top back on and returned it to the cooler. When the last chap returned, he was hot and flustered especially as the hunting was mostly unsuccessful. He was pleased to see his friends had left one beer for him. And he was really thirsty! Like, really thirsty! He opened the beer, took a gulp and exclaimed “Nothing like a cold beer after a morning’s shooting”. And then chugged the rest! The other hunters were shocked at his reaction but did not say a word! Then one hunter mumbled, “It just goes to show that some beer tastes like piss.”

36. Definition of the word “tomorrow” 1960’s.

A well-spoken, prim and proper, old English gentleman decided to retire in St. Kitts. Used to efficiency and timeliness, he could not understand why “Caribbean Time” was different to the time on his watch, and why people were always late, or often did not even show up for their meetings and appointments. He asked a friend, “Why was this?” His friend replied. “You see, it is a cultural thing. If you look in the dictionary of the Caribbean, you will not find the word “tomorrow!” The Old gentleman then asked “Well, why is that?” His friend responded, “Because, in the Caribbean, there is no need for a word of such urgency!”

37. Captain “for the day” 1980’s.

During the 1980’s, every year there used to be the St. Kitts Nevis Sailing regatta, a sunfish sailing and windsurf regatta finishing in Nevis where dozens of the small and medium sized boats would congregate to watch the race at Oualie Beach Bay in Nevis and enjoy the massive party thereafter. It became so popular that even the charter catamarans used to be hired so large groups of friends could attend.  A big lime and party. So, some good friends who used to sail, and then used to rescue, found themselves without a boat a few years later.

St. Kitts is shaped like a guitar. The whole neck of the guitar of the island had no road to travel the 9 miles on land to get to the end of the island, the closest point between St. Kitts and Nevis. But there was this lovely little hotel right at the end, where day visitors and guests alike could travel by boat on the Leeward side of the island, from Fisherman’s Wharf at the Western end of the capital, Basseterre,  travel up the leeward, calm side of the island to Whitehouse bay, and then catch the prearranged jeep safari across the virgin grasslands on a dirt road, around the fresh water ponds to the lovely hotel, on the edge of St. Kitts, just two miles from the island of Nevis. So, the boys said they were going to party at the end of the sailing race, but their “boat” was at Banana Bay on the beach by the Hotel, so they had to get there. They booked the boat trip to Whitehouse Bay and then caught the jeep safari to Banana Bay.” Make sure you are back by 5:30 pm this afternoon, that’s the last jeep/boat departure back to Basseterre!”  “No problem” shouted the boys, “we’ll be back long before that.” Oualie Beach in Nevis is virtually straight across the channel from Banana Bay in St. Kitts, the location of the lonely Hotel. The friend takes them to his “Boat.” Anchored just offshore is a catamaran but it looked “under construction”. About 25 feet long and quite wide with a flat deck but no superstructure at all. Like a glorified raft! But on the back of one pontoon was a single 25 hp, that could just about get it moving in a forward direction, at full throttle, and less maneuverability than an iceberg. No seats, no cooler, nothing. So, the owner declares that he will be Captain “for the day.” So, Captain “for the day” says “no problem,” he temporarily borrows a wooden table/bench with fixed seats from the beach of the hotel, and they put it on the flat-topped catamaran. Good seats. A small cooler turned up from nowhere, so good, drinks. Then Captain “for the day” decides to borrow a windsurfer sail and puts it in the hole in the middle of the wooden table, “so it could help us maneuver!” Not for the first time, a sense of dread came over one of the crew. “The engine was not working so good a while back, but it is fixed now, purring like a charm!” claimed Captain “of the day”. Even more dread! So, off they go with the 25 hp straining, and the windsurfer in full extension in the stiff constant breeze. They travel a two-mile distance and they reached Nevis without incident, anchor, go ashore and party! Like really party! Rum punch can’t done! After several hours of having a great old time, just when they were about to leave, one of the crew of must have sensed something, and decided to bum a lift with one of the party boats going straight to Basseterre, and off he goes. The other 3 decide to leave as time is of the essence. Now, while a lot of boats had left a bit early, a good few were still there, anchored. Captain “of the day”, smelling of rum punch, looking like he received a punch, somehow navigated through these vessels, with his two crew only pushing away anchored boats when the slowly travelling vessel “Loose Mongoose” got close, like much too close!  Having navigated through a maze of boats by a pure miracle, Captain “of the day” only shouting and ordering to let out more windsurfer sail and pull in more windsurfer sail which was still in the middle of the wooden table. All of a sudden, the boat stops violently, throwing the three occupants forward, off their feet, but fortunately, not overboard! Captain “of the day” forgot to turn away from the submerged reef!  Fortunately, or unfortunately, shortly after the collision, a strong gust of wind came and blew the “Loose Mongoose” right over the reef and back into deep water, albeit it with a lot of noise and scraping sounds. And the single engine stopped working, due to the impact on the reef! Broken! Oh no! Now drifting and certainly going to miss the last jeep and boat back to civilization. The sun was just setting when Captain “for the day” soon to be Captain “for the night”, declares that he must get back, so we are going to sail back across the channel in this heavy catamaran. Sail, he says! With a windsurfer sail, in a cross wind, in the dark of night! The two crew members have no choice, so off they sail, in darkness, after drinking a lot of rum that day. Well, the two good friends started to sober up real fast due to their current circumstances, while the Captain, now “for the night” could only sing “Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream, merrily, ……………”  Whether it was the sea current, or the windsurfer sail actually pushing them forward, their attempt to get back to Banana Bay would be touch and go. Banana Bay has a lot of sand but once you pass the western end beyond the point, all of the next mile is pure jagged rocks, and if the boat missed the edge of the beach, they would be facing nothing but rocks, and it could be a dangerous swim, if able, and if at all, against the current, at night, and full of rum. With sharks too! And probably the end of the boat! So, the two members of crew started to paddle furiously in an effort to get into the corner of Banana Bay and avoid the mile long rocky, coast. Up goes the volume of Captain “of the night”, “ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT, GENTLY DOWN ……….” By pure luck they just managed to make the edge of Banana Bay but, the two crew still had to jump overboard, without shoes, to prevent the boat running aground, and literally walk the boat the last 50 yards to the sandy beach, stepping on rocks much of the way. Captain “for the night” secured the boat on the mooring. His wife had decided to wait on him and not take the last trip back and was giving him loud earful! So, Captain “for the night” says that he has to work that night in a restaurant and had access to a small Boston whaler with a 40hp. His brother’s boat, who worked at the secluded hotel. His wife gives him a final earful, and then loudly instructs the two friends that they will have to go with Captain “for the night” or he will surely kill himself. Having no choice, and agreeing with the wisdom of the captain’s wife, off they head, in a small 18-foot Boston whaler, in the dark of night, with just one flashlight. Captain “for the night” on the engine, and the other two a little further up front. Twice the boat drifted towards the rocks on the shoreline, at full speed, and when the friend with the flashlight turned around and shined the flashlight at Captain, his eyes were closed, and he was falling asleep. A couple of sharp digs to ribs to wake him up and even louder earful, even more than his wife’s earful, were directed at Captain “for the night.” How we ever survived that day and night without injuries is amazing. Captain “for the night” reported to work, and the other two reported to their respective beds! That was close! But interesting!

38. In memory of “Rum Trip”. She will live forever! 1960’s to 1990’s.

Sometimes a picture speaks 1000 words. They say when a child is born, give some thought to his or her name, to ensure it cannot be shortened into something degrading. Or the initials between his/her first name, middle name and last name, and so on.

Well, this gentleman bought an 18-foot boat with an upfront cabin, a Shetland make. A very, very, dry boat by design and for its size. He decided to call it “Sun Trip.” A big mistake! The first owner thought it a pretty appropriate name considering after all, it is the Caribbean! But his son used to use it too! Oh dear! Accompanied by his friends, there were big parties onboard to boot! The stories! It did not take long for the name to evolve from “Sun Trip” to “Rum Trip!

The boat was eventually sold and over a period of time it had several different owners, gaining some respect to its original name, until it was bought by “the boys!” While they were very responsible in life and had professional jobs, they also loved to party! The name immediately changed back to the indominable, “Rum trip!” The new stories, the fun, the fishing, the conquests could take up a book by itself, but the boat, and to some degree, the crew obtained legendary status!

After many years of fun and rollicking, one fatal day the boat hit a floating log causing a hole in the bottom and had to be urgently beached before a disaster occurred. The hull was sold, and was subsequently repaired by the local boat yard, and was believed thereafter to be used for fishing. “Rum Trip” has not been spotted for over 10 years and is thought to be located one of the country villages on dry dock! We hope she still lives!

To this day, the vessel (and to a much lesser extent, the crew) has legendary status among some of the local and resident population. And still to this day, the famous “Rum trip” evokes pleasant and permanent memories of her legendary status!! A true legend!

“Rumtrip lives!”

39. ” B.O.C” – the Car Rental Guy” 1970’s.

In the early 1970’s there was this English chap who worked with a car rental company in one of the neighboring islands. He was a pleasant enough guy, and everyone called him by the initials, “B.O.C.” A friend from St. Kitts visited the island on a short vacation and who was good friends with the rental car owner, and he soon met “B.O.C.” I mean, everyone called him by the initials, “B.O.C”. His friends, the car cleaners, even the guests called him “B.O.C.,” once they heard everyone else calling him by that name. So, after a couple of days, the visiting guy from St. Kitts asked one of his friends, “Why do you call that person. “B.O.C?” His friend started to laugh, and then said, “I should not tell you, but.” He paused, then continued, “One night, our friend went with a girl who was charging for her services, and a couple of days later, he had to go to the Doctor. He told the Doctor, when he peed, it burned, and that there was like a mark on the end of his person. The Doctor examined his person and prescribed Anti-biotics and cream!” The visitor asked his friend, “Well, what does that have to do with “B.O.C”” His friend laughed again, and said, “B.O.C.” stands for “Boil on C**k!

40. Ex-patriot licensing his vehicle. BEQUIA ISLAND 2007 FROM BEQUIA:

In 2007 I moved to Bequia in the Grenadines to take up a new job in the yacht industry. Bequia is a tiny island, but I still needed transport and as luck would have it, one of my new colleagues was selling his Suzuki jeep. He said it needed taxing and testing but that was fine by me. We made a deal, and I bought a jeep. Now being British I was a little worried about driving the jeep without tax or a valid test and as I only had a couple of weeks to sort this out, I went to the police station as advised to check on the proceedings necessary.

I spoke to a sergeant and explained my situation, but he told me that the officer who dealt with this matter was away on other Grenadine islands doing this job and wouldn’t be back in Bequia for three or four weeks. So, I asked him, what do I do once the tax had run out and he very helpfully said, “You no can drive your car”. Ok, well we got that straight. I wasn’t allowed to drive my car untaxed and untested. However, this gentleman suggested that I call in to the police station each week to get an update on the whereabouts of the officer who would do my test. So, over the next couple of weeks, I called in and was told, “He no here. He in Mayreau” or “He no here. He in Canouan”. Well at least he was getting closer to Bequia!! At the end of that month, it was the Bequia Blues Festival, and I had friends visiting me who wanted to go so we went on each of the three days. The third day was a bit tricky, and it was the first day of the next month and my jeep was now officially illegal! Anyway, we went to the festival. There was a field set aside for parking, so I parked up and went to the festival! Much dancing was done, and much rum punch was imbibed and at midnight, decidedly wobbly on our feet, we set off to find my jeep. In the field were several policemen who were helping folks to get out of the car park. When I found my jeep, it was now surrounded by other vehicles, and it was almost impossible to climb into. A policeman came over and offered to help me get the jeep out. Now, either he was as blind as a bat or he was the nicest policeman ever, but here was a very drunk Englishman trying to get into his untaxed vehicle while being incapable of standing up let alone driving!! But he helped me to get my jeep out without hitting anything…. or anybody, then my friends all climbed aboard and off to home we went!! 

Next morning I knew I had to get the jeep taxed as quickly as possible, so I called in at the police station on my way to work. This time I was told, “The officer will be in St Vincent tomorrow so take your car in de ferry and get it tested there!” Then I asked him, what happens if I get stopped by the police in St Vincent because my jeep isn’t taxed…. or tested? He said, “No problem, man, ask them to call me” Great!! I made arrangements to take the morning off from work so I could ferry over to the main island of St. Vincent. Next morning I was up early and headed down towards the ferry and my route meant I passed the police station. Now I don’t really understand why I did this next thing, but I stopped just fifty meters past the police station, walked back and asked if the officer who did the testing was there and the Sergeant said, “Yes, him here!” Now, I was just about to head off to St Vincent where I would have wasted an entire morning on a failed mission!! But hey, I take the positives out of life, I won’t complain and was grateful for this new opportunity. So, I asked the sergeant if the officer could test my jeep right then and he said yes. 

A couple of minutes later the officer came out with a clip board and an official looking form, and my English brain is thinking, “Now we’re in business”. As we got to the door of the station the officer asked me, “Which vehicle is yours?” and I told him it was the grey Suzuki jeep around 50 meters down the street. I set off walking towards the jeep expecting him to follow me, but I quickly realized he had gone! I went back into the station and there was no sign of him. I asked the Sergeant where the officer was, and he said he was in the back office and would be out soon. Ten minutes later he appeared with his clip board and showed me a filled in test form and asked me to sign it which I did. He then gave me a copy of the test and tax certificate and bid me good day!! Suddenly my jeep was taxed and tested and fully legal and this officer had really only glanced at the vehicle from fifty yards away!! No tire check, no paperwork, no lights, no window washers…..nothing!!! Then I thought, if this officer could test my vehicle from fifty yards away, then maybe he could have done it from Canouan!!!!

So, welcome to Bequia. This is how things are done here!!

41. Same Ex-patriot obtaining his driving license in St. Kitts. 2022.

You will remember my story of trying to get my car inspected when I lived in Bequia. Now that I have lived on St Kitts for five years getting car inspections, car tax and driving licenses, albeit temporary, has been easy and smooth! Some three years ago I began my quest for Permanent Residency of St Kitts and was awarded this privilege in April 2021. Now I thought all the legal matters I would deal with would be even smoother than before, now I have that special stamp in my passport. After all, I am a Resident!! How wrong can you be?

My car tax, insurance and temporary driver’s license all expire next week on the 31st March and seeing as I am leaving tomorrow for 11 days my task this week was to renew everything before I go. Yesterday, I had my car successfully inspected and renewed my car insurance and this morning bright and early I set off to the Inland Revenue office to renew my car tax and my driving license. In no time at all my car tax was paid and my new window sticker issued. Now for my driving license.

I went to the appropriate window and the young gentleman behind the glass peered at my yellow temporary license as if it was some rude instruction written in a foreign language. He asked me how long I had had this license and whether I was a Resident. I proudly answered yes, I am a Resident and although it clearly says this license was issued on the 31st March 2021 and expires on the 31st March, 2022, I gave him that information. Then he showed it to his colleague who looked at it, looked at me then handed it back to the young gentleman without saying a word. As you can imagine I was more than a little perplexed. Then the young gentleman said, “You need go to the Traffic Department” Naturally I asked why. “They tell you what to do” he said. By now of course I was more than confused so I asked for clarification and all he said was that I had to go to the Traffic Department and “they tell you what to do”. Now I would love to have a nice bright shiny plastic St Kitts driving license with my picture on it but I’ve been driving around using first pink then yellow temporary driving licenses for five years so I just asked if I could have a new yellow license. “No” he said, “you can only have one of those”. 

Ok, I figured out that what he meant was that, as a Permanent Resident I could have one temporary driver’s license but that now it was ready for renewal I had to apply for a permanent one through the Traffic Department. So, I bravely asked him one more question. “What will the people do at the Traffic Department?’ Then he said once again, “They tell you what to do”. Hmmmmm….

So, I drove to the Traffic Department by the cemetery and waited my turn and then was able to explain why I was there. There was a lady behind the glass, and she asked to see my ID, my tax, insurance and my current driving license. She inspected all these documents and then she asked, “Where are your permits?’ “What permits?” I replied, “no one has asked me to provide permits”. “You need permits” she said again. “Ok” said I, “can you give me the permits I need?” I reasoned that, as I am in the Traffic Department applying for a driver’s license and I need a permit or two, they would provide me with them. But no, they don’t so I asked, “Where do I get these permits?’ And she said…… (ALL TOGETHER NOW!!) “At the Inland Revenue office!!” Oh, how we laughed!!! 

Now I asked her that once I had these permits could I apply for a permanent driving license to which she replied, “Yes, but first you have to take a driving test!!!” WHAAAAAT!!!!! Let me get this straight. I have been driving for 52 years and hold a current squeaky clean UK driving license and on top of that I have had a number of temporary driving licenses in St Kitts which I didn’t have to take a test for but now that I want to, indeed have to apply for a permanent license I have to take a test???? Really???? Ok, I asked, who arranges the test? “You do” she said. Then she pointed to a gentleman who was in the office and said, “He is an inspector” So I asked him how I went about arranging a test. “I already have appointments today,” he said. Then the lady said, “Go and get your permits because we can’t do anything until you have them”. So, silently fuming, back in the car I climbed and headed back to town.

When I got to the license renewal window again there was the same young gentleman, so I asked him, quite calmly I thought. “Why didn’t you tell me that I had to get permits from here to take to Traffic?” And he said, “I told you to go there, and they will tell you what to do!!!” By now this was getting a wee bit tedious so I asked, “But if you knew they would send me back here to get permits why didn’t you tell me before then I would have got them before I left here earlier?” His answer, “I told you, you had to go there, and they tell you what to do”. Ok I thought, let’s just stay calm and get the permits. His colleague, once again the very silent young lady from earlier looked at me and said one word…. or is it letters? “I.D.” So I handed her my passport and off she went. Five minutes later she returned with two large pieces of paper and handed them to me. She said nothing but the young gentleman said, “Go to the cashier” So I did!! I paid my money, had my permits stamped and headed back to the Traffic Department…….again! 

When I got there the same lady was behind the counter, so I handed her the permits which she looked at. Then she asked to see my passport again which I handed over, verified through the pages and said, “This is out of date”. Er no, it certainly isn’t. I told her that it is valid until 2029. “No, she said, your stamps from Immigration are out of date”. So, I took back my passport, opened it on the pages where there were indeed three stamps that I had been granted because of Covid and were very indeed out of date. Then I showed her the stamp that read, GRANTED PERMANENT RESIDENCY. She stared at it for some time, no doubt realizing she had made a mistake and to cover it up she went back on the attack. “Have you arranged a test yet?” “Of course, not you!” stupid woman I shouted!” Actually, that’s a lie. I just said, no I hadn’t. How can I do that? For the first time since I first saw her, she softened. “Let me call one of our duty inspectors and I’ll see if anyone is available”. Now, on the wall is a notice which lists the names of the duty inspectors and shows which ones are available each day and at what time. I mean!!! The names are right there! On the wall!! Each time, date and inspector shown quite prominently. Couldn’t she have told me that earlier? Obviously not!

Please try to imagine my confusion and growing frustration. The inspectors were clearly displayed and their availability shown. So why couldn’t this lady have said so at the start? Anyway, she then said, “I will make some calls for you and if you come back just before 1pm you should be able to take your test” Hooorah!! We are finally getting somewhere. So off I went home with all my various documents, my head spinning with the bureaucratic craziness of it all but feeling good because my mission would surely be completed by that afternoon. But there was one more bizarre bureaucratic twist to come!

I headed back to the Traffic Department just before 1 PM and presented myself to the lady who told me that she had located an inspector who was free and he would be here in a few minutes. Then she asked me to take a seat and wait. After a few minutes she came out from behind her desk to deal with something and when she was finished, she sat next to me, and she touched my shorts. Yes, please read that again. She touched my shorts as if she was in a department store and checked on the quality of the material for a dress she is interested in was made of. She looked at me and said, “You are wearing shorts?” How incredibly observant of you I thought…..but out of politeness didn’t say it. Then she delivered the coup de grace!!!! “You can’t take your test while wearing shorts!!!!!!” AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

That was the final straw. I went crazy!! “What do you mean I can’t wear shorts in my driving test…. I always wear shorts. I was wearing these very same ones when I came here the first two times. Why didn’t you tell me?????” All she said was, “I didn’t look before”. Well obviously. But by now the sheer madness of my morning got the better of me and I raised my voice telling her she should have provided me with some kind of what to do, what to wear check list when taking my test. Was it too much to ask etc, etc…..I was crazy, she was speechless! Then the office door opened, and a lady police officer came out and pointed out I was in a government office, and I had to keep my voice down. She got out both barrels!!! Then she dived back in her office and slammed the door.

Ok, I’m home now, I’ve had a calming cup of tea and I’ve written the whole sorry tale out. Now I can see the funny side of it, however, when I get back from my trip I still have to go to see this lady and arrange a driving test. I have decided to go in a three-piece suit with a cravat and top hat. And of course, the trousers will be long! Wish me luck!!  But first a quick trip to Bahamas for 10 days.

I arrived home from the Bahamas on Sunday 3rd April and apart from a sundowner at Discovery Bar, I only had one thing on my mind. Driving License. Just to remind you, I had started this process because my tax, insurance and license would all expire on the 31st of March so I had tried to start the process early but now, thanks to our friends at the traffic department, I was now behind time and essentially illegal.

At 8am on the morning of Monday April 4th I called the traffic department and spoke to the lady who, twelve days previously had fondled my shorts and told me I couldn’t take my test while wearing them. I asked her if she remembered me. She did!! It must have been the shorts! I then told her I was back now and wanted to complete the process of taking my driving test and getting my license. I asked her if there was any other paperwork required to do so and after a bit of hesitancy, she asked me if I had been to the doctors for a medical examination. I asked her if I needed one because if so, I would get one. She thought for a while and said, “I don’t think so!” So, I asked her if she didn’t think so, could she check with someone who could confirm whether I needed the exam or not. She said she would and off she went. Two minutes later she came back and said, “No, you don’t need an exam” Great! I’m almost there! Next, I contacted a driving instructor and arranged to have my test on the earliest available date, which was Monday 11th April at 8am. 

On Monday morning at 8 am I was at the desk in traffic with documents in hand and ready to take my driving test. Another lady took all my documents away and disappeared into her office. I sat there for 20 minutes and waited. I had called my driving examiner as soon as I had arrived that morning but so far, I hadn’t seen him. I began to feel uneasy. What was going on? I soon found out. The lady who took my documents came out of the office and said, “You can’t take your test today” and so I, as reasonably as possible, asked her why and she said (here we go again! ALL TOGETHER NOW!!!) “You have to have had a doctor’s examination!!!!!” AAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!

As you can imagine I was furious!! I said to this lady, doesn’t anyone here know the rules??? One person tells you one thing, and another tells you completely the opposite! And all that is happening here is that I am wasting time still trying to get my driving license!!!! In my anger I then told her the whole crazy story which you know already of being shuffled back and forth from the Inland Revenue to Traffic and I was so angry I even indiscreetly mentioned her colleague fondling my shorts before telling me I couldn’t wear them for a test!! She looked at me as if I was crazy. I was!! So, I gathered myself, took my documents from her and stormed off out of the office. I got in my car and headed home with the intention of making a doctor’s appointment as soon as possible!! I was going to get my driving license by hook or by crook!!

I got halfway home and was in town when I was pulled over by the police. The officer asked me to get out of the car which I did and then he said, “I was in the police station just now and overheard your conversation with my colleague and I suspect that you are driving using an out of date driving license!!” I almost shouted, “Yes I am and if you listened to my conversation back at Traffic you would know that your colleagues have to burden some of the responsibility!!” I explained that I had started this process back on March 23rd and thanks to the sheer incompetence of his colleagues I was still trying to get my license. I told him everything but the fondling of the shorts. That seemed inappropriate as we were in the middle of town and there was a healthy crowd gathering. Then I told him that I intended to drive to the doctors to make an appointment and come back to traffic urgently to try to take my driving test. He reminded me that I would be driving illegally but, to cut a long one short, I persuaded him to allow me to drive home if I didn’t drive again until I had my license. He agreed! I then drove home with a police escort all the way back to Half Moon!

I’ll keep this bit short! I went to the doctor and successfully passed my medical test, then I made an appointment for my driving test at 8am this morning, Tuesday 12th April. And because I couldn’t drive my car, Jeremy kindly took me to Traffic. I handed in all my paperwork including my letter from the doctor confirming I was fit to drive to the same lady as yesterday and at 8 on the dot my instructor arrived and introduced himself. Now we are getting somewhere!!! The police lady went into her office and came out five minutes later……

In her hand was my out of date, one year paper driving license and she waved it in the air and said, “You can’t take your test. Your license is out of date………..and I am going to charge you with driving illegally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Now, I think you know me as a reasonable person who takes the slings and arrows of life as they come but this was a bridge too far! I finally went quite berserk!! Yes, I think I could describe my reaction to this as berserk!! In a suitably raised but mostly in a controlled voice I said, “No,No…NOOOOOOOOO!!! Your police officer allowed me to drive home yesterday as long as I didn’t drive the car again until I got my license!!!” And as if by magic that very officer came into the office, and I told him to tell this lady that he had given me permission to drive home the day before. He looked rather embarrassed and admitted that he had indeed done that very thing. The lady looked at him, then me and then she had another idea! “But you must have driven here illegally this morning to take your test” she cried!! “No!!!” I shouted in a triumphant voice!! “No, I was driven here by my friend this morning. He is here waiting for me outside!!” I pointed to Jeremy who was sitting there looking rather bemused. The lady stared at me for a full five seconds then stormed off into the office. 

Five minutes later she came out of the office and informed me that, on this occasion, she was going to overlook my having an out-of-date license “in the circumstances!!!”. Ah yes, I thought, you mean in the very circumstances that you yourselves have created!! Then she said, “You can take your test now’. I thanked her, collected all of my documents and went outside where my instructor and examiner were waiting. We got in the car; I drove serenely for some ten minutes and followed all instructions perfectly. 

“Congratulations” said the examiner, “you have passed your test”

You don’t know half of it, I thought!

42. Thinking before speaking the truth 1990’s

A guy and his pretty new girlfriend were leaving this pub called Totts relatively early on a Friday night, just when his good friend was arriving. The good friend said hello to them, and thought he had met the girl once before, somewhere. Obviously, he had, when she said, “How are you doing, Tommy?”  Tommy answered as he usually did, “Oh, I am on top of the world!” And the girl replied, “Wow, that’s great Tommy, what could be better than that?” And before Tommy could disengage his thoughts from his mouth, Tommy replied, “Well, I could be on top of you!!” If only the ground could have opened swallowed Tommy, he would have been grateful! Fortunately, it laughed off for what it was, a compliment!

43. The Sand holes on the Golf course 1980’s.

A young maintenance/laborer man used to work for one of the hotels located at Fortlands on the Western side of town. It was just after dark, and the hotel needed to pick up something urgently for a guest, so the Hotel management authorized their small vehicle to be driven by the maintenance/laborer man to drive to Frigate Bay to collect the item. “Drive carefully, eh” says the manager. The laborer hustles over to Frigate Bay collects the item, but as it is dark, and he wants to get home, he decides to take a short cut across the Royal St. Kitts Golf course. No sense driving all around it! Later, he reports to the Manager that, “Boss, de car stick on the golf course!” “What do you mean by stuck?” asked the now agitated hotel manager. “Well Boss, I decided to take a short cut across the Gulf course to save time, and next thing I know, I dropped in a big sand hole, but managed to get out, only to drop in a next sand hole, and the car stick!” ‘When I got out the car and checked, I noticed the golf course was full these sand holes, I could hardly miss them!”

44. “Missing in Action – Part 2” The Movie. Early 1980”s

Chuck Norris is a movie star from Hollywood. In his younger days he was six-time Karate champion of America, not someone you would want to mess with in an altercation. He put his reputation up against Bruce Lee in the movie “Enter the Dragon.”

In the early 1980’s a war movie was filmed in St. Kitts staring Chuck Norris and John Terry, called “Missing in action – Part 2”. It was about USA POWS captive in a Japanese camp during WW2. So, over the period of three months all the persons connected with the set and the films from Director, Cameramen, Stars, Extras, Chuck Norris, John Terry etc., were seen all over St. Kitts during that period. Many locals and residents got to know many of the set including Chuck Norris, at least at an acquaintance level.

Cisco’s was a Chinese restaurant located at Conaree Beach and was quite a popular place, even though it was a little out of the way. Chuck Norris and his friends often frequented the place as the food was great, and the owner was quite a character.

So, in the early 1980’s there was virtually no crime on the island. A friend and his liming partner regularly visited Cisco’s bar for a few drinks, but on this occasion one guy decided to wear a full gorilla mask, and sat down at the bar, just to be different. He figured it matched his personality. The two looked like Mutt and Jeff at the bar, quite sloshed. Eventually, Chuck Norris noticed this masked man at the bar, and must have been a bit uncomfortable, so went up the masked man at the bar and gently lifted the mask to see who it was. He immediately recognized the fun loving local, so was happy and went back to his dinner group at the table. The friend of the masked man at the bar, quite drunk, said, “Who is that man who pulled off your mask, you should have slapped him” The masked man was incredulous. “Are you crazy, do you know who that is, — that is Chuck Norris, one of the best karate men in the world!” The intoxicated guy at the bar then said, “Oh dear, good thing you did not slap him once. You should have slapped him twice!!!”

The masked man strongly encouraged his friend that this would be good time to leave, well before Chuck Norris and his friends came over to pay the bill, and before his tongue got him got the better of him!

45. The Sea Rescue during Hurricane Klaus. 1984

Hurricane Klaus hit St. Kitts in November 1984. There was no warning as the hurricane developed over the island, rather than the traditional Atlantic storm that is tracked inbound with plenty of time to prepare. Prior to the hurricane, the island had had a lot of rain for about a week straight, and then around midday, the wind and rain picked up significantly. Most people thought it was just a squall from the existing bad weather, but in no time at all, a Category 1 hurricane had formed, having developed right over the island. No warning! At 2:00 pm there were 12 vessels anchored in Basseterre harbor. The following morning, only one was left, a fishing boat run by a Portuguese fisherman, who was here to train the local fishermen. The effects of the hurricane burst the anchor ropes of the other 11 vessels, all of which ran aground or sank, mostly being destroyed. The waves were from the southwest, which directly exposes the Basseterre harbor, which is only protected from the East and North.

Before the Hurricane developed, earlier that morning, the Portuguese Fisherman and a friend had swum out to their boat before the weather deteriorated, to fix their engine! Their engine was not working so they thought it would be a good time to see if they could fix it. And they got trapped on board! As night approached and the hurricane fully developed, and there was no way of getting off the boat. They could swim but the Eastern end of the harbor is all rocks, and the waves would smash them into the rocks with little chance of survival. They were only a few hundred yards from shore, so close, yet so far! They put out an extra anchor, doubled up the lines on the mooring, and waited! All afternoon! All night! For several hours they were on the radio requesting help from the coast guard, or anyone else but there was little anyone could do. The coast guard boats were either too small or not working and on drydock. They called a big Japanese car boat that was anchored way out to sea, if they send a boat to rescue them but to no avail. The island lost electricity just as night approached so everywhere was pitch black. The whole island! About ten at night no more communication. No one was certain if the radio had run out of batteries, or if the boat had been upended by the big waves casting the two sailors into the sea and to almost certain death. One by one there were reports of boats in the harbor being washed ashore or on the rocks. Six in the morning, when the daylight broke, there was just one boat left in the harbor. The same fishing boat! Shortly after daybreak, they came back on the radio to say the battery is very low, but could someone please, please, please, come for them. The waves were still big, but not as huge as the night before. But still very big. The Basseterre harbor was described as a very angry sea. The captain of the boat that was docked by Fisherman’s wharf and his friend decided to take the chance, travel the two miles across the harbour to see if they could rescue the two crewmen. So, this 25-foot fiberglass boat Captained by our friend (Captain for the day) heads out to sea into the waves and then straight back towards the rolling fisherman’s boat. They made several attempts to draw alongside the fishing boat, but the waves were too big with both boats rising and falling dangerously, risking a collision in the rough sea which would not be a good situation to be in, on the tail end of a Hurricane! They were about to abort the rescue attempt, but the captain says, “One more attempt.” He brought his boat around and then alongside and just for a very brief moment both boats were level. In that split second both the Portuguese sailor and his mate scrambled abord the rescue boat. The captain just had time to turn away from the anchored boat when a large rogue wave struck the boat almost overturning it. The bow rose very high and then the hull came crashing down with an almighty noise, nearly submerging the hull, almost throwing the occupants out into the sea. The captain gunned the engine and proceeded back to the little protected area by Fisherman’s wharf restaurant. While the rescue was successful, both the rescue Captain and his friend both admitted that if they realized it would have been that dangerous, they may not have attempted the rescue. Two very brave sailors for sure, carrying out a dangerous rescue mission in the very rough sea!

46. Military Logic. 1960’s

1960’s: There was a Kittitian who fought in World War 2, rising quite high in the ranks. He was a commando during the war and was parachuted behind German lines on more than one occasion. After the war, he kept his military title as Captain when he returned to the islands. He was well educated and ended up as the C.E.O. of one of the old established companies. He was not a big partier by any means, nor a big drinker, but he would partake whenever the occasion arises.

 Both business and private functions were held all the time in those days and after a while it was noted that he would attend any function during the week but was often absent during functions held on the weekend of Friday or Saturday, or if there was any function that was considered mandatory on the weekend, he would be the first to leave.  He always attended Sunday functions, day or night. One day someone asked what the reason was. He replied, “Well, if I am going to feel shaky or hungover, I want to feel shaky and hungover during company time during the week, and not on my personal time, such as weekends!”

To each their own, I guess! There is some merit to that logic!

47. “Crab and de boys” — String band 1980’s

1970’s: String band music used to be very popular in St. Kitts-Nevis for many years. It consisted of around 6 to 8 band members, all self-taught. The music was rustic but great! One of the most popular bands in the 1970’s was a band called “Crab and de Boys.” “Crab” was the leader! One Sunday afternoon they were playing at a private function and “Crab” was in full form and so were “de boys!” Music can’t done, partying can’t done! They performed enthusiastically, and their energy increased over time as they always had a few of drinks, particularly Rum and water.  So, the afternoon went on. After a few drinks the barman told “Crab,” “De water finished, and none in de pipes as the water locked off!” (It was quite common in the Caribbean for water to be turned off without notice!) So, “Crab” informed the bar man, “No water, no music! We need water for our Rum!” But the party was sweet and in full flow, so after a short period, water miraculously appears! “Crab” is happy, “de Boys” are happy, and music is cranked up again, and party is going great. “Crab and de boys” had a few more drinks and everything was fine! A little later, the host of the party asked for a Scotch and water, and barman informed him that the water is finished. The host was puzzled, commenting that “Crab and de Boys” were drinking Rum and water non-stop, so there must be water, not so?” The barman replied, “Boss, you don’t want any of that water. You know the spare toilet in de back, dat is where I been getting the water for “Crab and de Boys”, from de tank!”

“Crab” was pounding the liquor hard, and later they had to call the ambulance for “Crab,” as he was not feeling very well! A pain in his heart! The medical people arrived, and they were not sure if it was a heart issue, or a Rum issue, so Crab left with the medical people. That did not stop “De boys” from “Crab and de Boys” from continuing, both the music and drinking rum, just like the band on the Titanic when it was sinking!!! Life in the tropics. The party must go on!

48. The Avid Fisherman 1970’s

This avid Fisherman had a theory on physical health. This man loved fishing! Like all the time! In the St. Kitts Nevis waters! However, as he passed 60+ years of age, his knees and his back started to give him a lot of problems. The Doctor recommended rest and less boating to protect his knees and back from becoming worse. “Don’t go fishing so much”, said his doctor, “Rest your back for a few weeks!” The old Fisherman responded, knowing that the doctor would tell him to rest against his wishes, said, “Doctor, let me advise you, the body is like an outboard engine, either they wear out from overuse, or they rust out from lack of use. I might as well use my body now, before it rusts out!” So off to fishing he went! Quite good logic actually!

49. Independence Day, St. Kitts -Nevis September 19, 1983.

There are times that an event makes just about everyone in a country happy with good feelings! Christmas Day is one such time where total strangers wish each other well. Everyone feels good! On other occasions, such as when a country wins the football World Cup, there is an outpouring of joy and a sense achievement within that country. St. Kitts & Nevis experienced that on September 19, 1983. The twin islands became an independent Nation, no longer a British colony. There was an outpouring of happiness, and in particular, a big reason to celebrate, — to enjoy — and for a lot of people to have a few drinks!

On the day itself, four nationals jumped into an old Land Rover, at about 1:00 pm, with a well-stocked bar of at least 4 bottles of Rum, with endless chasers, along with some coconut water. And the new National flag proudly flying from the back! Time to celebrate! Three in the back and one driving. Not going anywhere special, just driving! Before they set off, they decided to each have “a small one” to warm up. Well before they reached the first corner on the road, the driver heard “Drinks stop.” So, the vehicle was parked on the side of the road, and another beverage was poured. A passerby was asked to join in and decided to partake in “one” even though he admitted to being a big Christian. They continued, driving slowly, and after about a mile, in the middle of town, the driver heard another “Drinks stop!” Parking up by the side of the road, another beverage, and a couple of other nearby people were encouraged to have a drink, for Independence! An elderly man who said he was a fisherman from Nevis, joined and had a stiff Rum. Talking to him it turns out that he was the father of one of the leaders of the country who signed the independence agreement! On they went again, flag flying high and proud! They got to the long, straight, Frigate Bay Road, and then yet again, “Drinks stop!” So, they pulled over to the side of the road, drinking another beverage from the back of a land rover. Soon, some friends were passing, so they were flagged down for an Independence drink. Everyone who passed was flagged down and most stopped for a drink. And it went on & on, strangers and friends alike celebrating the county’s independence. At one stage there were over 15 cars parked on the side of the road, with over 30 people around the land rover, all together, old talking about the moment and the festivity of the occasion, enjoying their Independence drink. Even the Police passed, and admittedly they did not join in for a drink but were enjoying the occasion as much as anyone else. Eventually, it was time to move on, the afternoon sun was getting hot, the land rover slowly moved on, and a wonderful time was had by all. The next day, everyone thought they had a good time but could not remember many details. It is hard to believe that that unique celebration was almost 40 years ago. Today, we would probably get locked up for drinking and driving, but that was then! The memories of that moment will last forever, at least the parts that can be remembered!!

50. Earthquake Annies 1980’s

A young chap from St. Kitts, emigrated to Western Canada, met a lovely Canadian girl and was going to get married. The boys in St. Kitts got their invitations and decided that they have to witness this event, and about 8 of the Boys arrived in Canada about a week before the wedding. Of course, travelling all that way, they must go out to party with the bridegroom to be, in his last days as a bachelor. Enquiries were made, and someone recommended that the only place that would be open on a Tuesday night is a place called “Earthquake Annies.” Well, the Caribbean Boys liked how that sounded, any place with a name like that must be great! The Caribbean Boys were of ages ranging from about late twenties to late thirties. Ten persons went to Earthquake Annies that night, 8 Caribbean boys, the bridegroom to be, and one Canadian. When they arrived there, there was music, and a bar, and the average age in attendance seemed to be about 16 years of age. But as there was nowhere else to go, they headed towards to bar. While reviewing what was available to drink, one of two young people bought beers, but most of the orders were for Coco-Cola, or water! They noticed Johnny Walker Black Label behind the bar, so all the Caribbean boys agreed they would have a Black label on the rocks, and the Canadian said he would have a beer! As we are sitting at the bar, one of the group volunteers to buy the drinks and tells the Barman, “We would like 9 Black Labels and a Heineken” The Barman responds, “we don’t have the black label beer, but we do have Heineken.” Apparently there really is a Canadian Beer called Black Label! So of course, the response was “No, not beer, we want 9 Black Label Scotch whiskys, look, there’s the bottle behind the bar!” Well, the Barman nearly fainted! After spending most of the time serving a couple of beers and lot of cokes, and water most of the time this was different.” They had the first drink, then the second, and third, and jokes and stories started in earnest and as there was lots of loud laughter. A little later, the barman was talking to a man and then pointing to us! The same man goes behind the bar, and informs us he is the Manager, and starts talking to us and joining in with jokes and even has a couple of drinks with us. After about 9 drinks each (the Canadian refused to buy a round, he said he ran out of money!) We asked the Manager, what is the best night to visit Earthquake Annies. He replied, “Without a doubt, Thursday night! It is ladies’ night and only ladies allowed in before 10:00 pm, and the place booms, lots of girls will be dancing and it is great atmosphere!” The Boys liked how that sounded, so on Thursday night, the boys went out for dinner, and then decided to visit Earthquake Annies, minus the Canadian. But when they arrived just before 9:45 pm, there was a long line waiting to enter, and admission was being charged, and they had two of the biggest bouncers at the front of the line. It was debated if we should bother going again and maybe we should go home. Then appearing out of Earthquake Annies at the front of the line we see the Manager looking down the waiting line. And then he recognizes us and waves his hand with several big motions for us to come and says, “Boys from the Caribbean, come, come, don’t worry about the line, come!” and then turns to the two massive bouncers, “These are my friends, no entrance fee for them, look after them!” So, the boys walk from the back of the line to the front, chest out, shoulders back, much to the disgust of those others who were waiting in line! And inside there were girls all over, and no teeny bobbers either! The Boys returned to the same spot at the bar, had a great laugh and wonderful time!

51. Newspaper advertisement for cleaners. 2010.

There was a hotel in St. Kitts located just off the beach. A popular hotel with average tourists. Like all hotels it had several staff to carry out the required responsibilities. Chefs, cooks, waiters, cleaners, gardeners and so on. The Manager was a man of high standards and was always troubled by the attitude of some of the workers, and their lack of being pro-active. Nothing would be done unless direct instructions were given. He had a particular problem with some of the cleaners. Periodically, he would fire one and the replacement would be the same. The musical chairs continued for quite some time. Some of the workers complained that this was not for them to do, and others said that it was not their work or part of their job etc. So, he fired them and thought about what they said. He placed an advert in the paper that his hotel was hiring cleaners, and he decided to state some of the responsibilities of the job, along with the qualifications required. Half a page advert it was, and included in the overall presentation were:

Cleaners required.

Must be hard working.

Must have a reference from previous employer.

Must be able to recognize dirt!

The last requirement caused quite a stir! Some people agreed, and some felt offended! Such is life! In the Caribbean!

52. The Anchor expert 1960’s

There was a man who lived and worked and in St. Kitts, who originally was from Barbados. He worked hard, but his passion was fishing. Shore fishing, boat fishing, any kind of fishing, he was there. He had a small boat and every weekend or public holiday he would go fishing. And this gentleman was known to have a way with words! One night there was a cocktail party, and as was the habit in those days in the early 1960’s, the men tended to hang around the bar area and the wives tended to be in the lounge doing their own thing. This time, however, there was a visiting group of 3 people, a married couple, and then a very attractive sales lady, who was very striking, and had BIG boobs. Like, real BIG. And she enjoyed a good flirt, so instead of getting drinks from the waiter, she would stroll over to the bar, and all the married men would have their eyes falling out of their head. She would always stay and talk for a few minutes, and then she would return to the ladies’ group with her drink. She returned several times over the night for drinks. Later in the evening, she again returned to the bar where coincidentally the Fisherman was getting himself yet another a drink, and they spoke for a few minutes. The Lady then left the fisherman and returned to her lady friends. The Fisherman, turned to his friends with the biggest rum smile you ever saw, and commented, “If my wife was not here, I would drop an anchor in her coral!”

No more needs to be said!

53. The Planter and the Revolution. 1967

In 1967, Anguilla decided to leave the political union of St. Kitts, Nevis & Anguilla. On the night of June 10, 1967, several Anguillans travelled to St. Kitts and attacked, firing shots at the Police station, the defense force camp and the electricity station, among other targets. Fortunately, no one was killed. The elected Robert Bradshaw government immediately declared a State of Emergency, and normal freedoms were suspended. The Bradshaw Government then attempted to determine who in St. Kitts was aiding the Anguillans, and they started the roundups.

Sugar was king in St. Kitts in those days, and there were many sugar plantations in operation. Many were run by Barbadians, and who were in the past, particularly vocal against the actions and legislation of the Bradshaw Government. Other plantations were run by local Kittitians of old families whose roots go back well over 150 years. So, the Bradshaw government deported several Barbadians planters who were put on a flight without any prior notice and deported back to Barbados. Some of the locally born planters were arrested and locked up on suspicion of being in cahoots with the Anguillans, whether factual or not. No proof was ever presented, and no one was ever convicted.

One particular local planter loved his rum. He drank it every day and loved a good joke. Rum was a great friend of his. Anyway, as several planters had been deported, and several of his local friends were locked in jail, he figured, the police were certainly coming for him very shortly, and as in the past, after a few rums, he was the most vocal government critic. He figured the only reason he had not yet got arrested, was that he lived over a steep hill on private land, and the access was a very rough and rocky road, where four-wheel-drive was required, and it was rumored that the three Land Rover vehicles that the government owned were either tied up with patrols during the State of Emergency or not working. Probably the latter!

So, after drinking rum all day, this planter decides he will nip the circumstances in the bud and surrender himself! However, before he left to travel to the police station, he pulled out his Halloween costume from the previous year, which was a prisoner costume, shirt, pants, hat, with all with traditional arrows on them, and a big hollow ball and chain which he attached to his foot. He drove over the hill and parked up outside the police station, and walked in, ball and chain dragging behind him. He says to the police on duty, “I hear you are all looking for me, and I have come to turn myself in. I got my own uniform and gear, so you don’t have to supply me with any!” The two junior police officers were a bit weary of this strange man, obviously full of drinks, so their called the Sergeant from the back. The Sargent looks at this man and asked him his name, to which the planter responds loudly with his full name, as stated on his birth certificate. The Sargent checks a list behind the counter and says, “Your name is not on the arrest list, you can go!” The planter was most taken aback, “How you mean I am not on the list, I am the noisiest one of all, I am sure I am on the list, I have to be, check again!” The Sergeant responds, “Mr., your name is not on the list, get out of here before I really lock you up!” The planter takes a sip of his rum & coke in his hand and says “Surely, I must be on the list?” The Sargent responds in a loud voice, “You are NOT on the list, and anyway, the prison is full of all of people who were actually on the list, so GET OUT”

So, the planter leaves, dragging his ball behind him, mumbling something about his human rights have been violated by not getting locked up!!……..

54. The Bensons — Insurance claims. 1989

Like anywhere else in the world, St. Kitts has many successful people among its population. There was a family of 4 brothers who were all quite successful, doing very well financially for themselves. They were the “The Bensons.”

In 1989, Hurricane Hugo ravaged St. Kitts and Nevis, the first major hurricane to affect the islands in over 60 years. Many houses experienced moderate to severe damage, particularly the more modern homes. The old wooden buildings with the pull-in Hurricane shutters and steep roofs fared quite well but the modern houses with their lighter galvanize roofs and those weak asphalt shingle roofs, and glass sliding doors with new plastic cheaper windows, with open areas designed to “catch the natural wind,” suffered immensely. Perhaps building standards may have fallen over the years and certainly design standards changed with the absence of recent hurricanes, to a more aesthetic building being pleasing to the eye and less emphasis was placed on the actual strength of the structures of the building.

September 19^th, 1989, Hurricane Hugo came close to the islands, did a lot of damage, and left a few hours later. There was a lot of destruction to the housing stock in St. Kitts & Nevis.

All four of the Benson brothers were insured with the same local insurance company. The insurance company had so many claims that several adjusters from overseas were employed by the company, and indeed by all insurance companies operating in the islands, due to the massive number of claims, and to help handle the workload.

So, first, one of the brothers submits his claim, followed soon after by two of the other brothers. The first claim to be reviewed was the one from the relatively analytical brother who lived in the USA where the norm is to never accept the initial offer by an insurance company.  He refused the adjuster’s offer, and he argued in a very uncharacteristic, challenging manner until the adjuster settled his claim to close the file and avoid further strife.

The next brother had worked for years in life insurance, and was well versed in the principles of insurance, and he fought, argued and held out until the adjuster, in frustration, decided to settle his claim to avoid a lengthy and costly lawsuit.

The third brother was the noisy one of the family. He loved rum, drank plenty of it and never hesitated to air his opinion, with no license in his vocabulary or his conversation! Like, he really loved rum! So, when the adjuster made a settlement offer to him, the immediate response was one of loud rebuke, where the gist of the conversation was where, when, and how the adjuster could go forth and multiply, and furthermore he was given a full description of how he could multiply with himself. The description was in great detail, and if Wikipedia was around in those days, there would certainly have been a description on “local Caribbean colloquial expressions in St. Kitts!”  Even the sturdiest of adjusters would not have survived the barrage, and the humbled adjuster relinquished his offer position and favorably settled the claim— before the client extrapolated on the “go forth and self-multiply theory!”

A week later the fourth brother turns up at the insurance office to submit his claim. He was certainly the calmest of the brothers. It had taken some time to obtain an estimate of repairs as all of the contractors were overloaded with work, and even finding time to survey the damage and prepare an estimate was a difficult challenge for them, with so much damaged properties on the island. So, brother number 4, Mr. C. Benson, enters the insurance department, and submits his claim documents to the lady at the front. Now with all these visiting adjusters the Insurance company had erected a temporary partition for a work area for the adjusters. The type of partition was about five feet high, so when someone is sitting and working, they cannot be seen by anyone, and if they stand, they can see over the top. A temporary area for the important insurance adjusters to write their reports. Brother number 4, Mr. C. Benson, submits his claim documents to the insurance lady at the front, who asks Mr. Benson to wait a moment, and proceeds to submit the claim documents to any of the adjusters who may be working. She submits the documents to the one adjuster who happened to be there at the time. There was a moment of silence and not realizing that the person who had just submitted the claim was still outside, the adjuster said in a very loud and frustrated voice, ‘NOT ANOTHER BLOODY BENSON CLAIM.” Mr. Benson, the fourth brother, the quiet one, heard the remark, and got up and stated that his claim has been prejudiced before it was even reviewed, and he wanted to see the CEO of this company, and he is not accepting such a response to his honest claim, and if he has to leave here and go straight to a lawyer so be it.

The CEO heard about it quickly, considering the business of the Benson family, made an instant decision, and agreed settlement with the fourth Benson brother, in full, in an effort to right a clear and obvious error.

And the adjuster? LIAT flew into and out of St. Kitts about five times a day, and the adjuster was on the first plane out, having been relinquished of his responsibilities. Damage control was of the first order!

In defense of the adjuster, it was alleged he was just following the policy conditions when attempting to settle the hurricane claims, but when faced with a variety of challenges, I guess his patience was tested. No excuse, he is supposed to be a professional and should be used to frustrated policyholders making claims! He was never seen again!

55. The Government Minister 1990’s

1990’s: The minister of National Security was an elected politician. There was a brief period where gang members were having shootouts on a regular basis. One fateful day a couple of gang members opened fire on one of their enemies while he was among a bunch of people. A number of people were shot, fortunately none seriously. So, the minister of National Security goes on the radio and TV and gives a statement to the Nation. He said that this violence and crime is a scrooge against our Nation, and we must fight it, and he is asking everybody in the whole Nation to join him on the front lines in the fight against crime and violence. One person who was listening to the speech immediately commented, “No, not me, that politician put up his hand and said I will lead you and you must vote for me as I will lead you to a better place and make this country safer. He put up his hand, I did not put up my hand! I will support him but from behind the lines! He could go on the frontline all alone as he put up his hand, not me! My support to him is only from the safety of behind the lines. He’s getting paid to be on the front line not me! He volunteered to be on the front line, not me! He is on his own, up front, on the front lines! No free ride for the politicians let them earn their money. In fact, send them all on the front lines. If we are lucky there might all run away and never come back!” And that, my friends, is how many voters think of all of their politicians, no matter which party!

56. The visit of Australia Late 1960’s

In the late 1960’s, this 18-year-old got a job with LIAT, the local Caribbean Airlines, as a pilot. Straight from flying school! Being particularly pleased with himself, only studying for 9 months at flying school, compared to his friends, most of whom went to university, and had to study for 4 years before they could even apply for a job. And pilots made good money too! Even more so as an 18-year-old! In addition, there were other perks. In those days, any LIAT pilot could fly with most airlines almost for free. British Airways was virtually free for airline pilots from recognized airlines.

His best friend got married a couple of years before, and the pilot was his best man at the wedding. The married couple emigrated to Australia shortly thereafter. Australia is probably as far away from the Caribbean as anywhere else in the world. So, Mr. Pilot works for one year, earns his 4 weeks’ vacation, and decides to visit his good friend in Australia. The whole flight from the Caribbean to Australia return, cost the massive total of US$75.00. So, Mr. Pilot, travels to Australia, and is lining up in the Immigration line, feeling rather pleased with himself. At immigration, the officer asks him “Where are you from?” The pilot responded, “I am from St. Kitts” So the Immigration officer says “Where?” “From St. Kitts” responded the pilot. The immigration officer looks at the pilot and says, “Well I don’t know anything or any place called St. Kitts, are you fooling with me?” The pilot responds, “No, not fooling, yes man, I’m from Basseterre, St. Kitts!” The Australian immigration officer looks at the passport and says in a loud voice, “Guards, take this man away, and ask him the relevant questions.” The pilot was shocked. “What have I done?” The Officer says, “Look, your passport says you are from St. Christopher, and I don’t know anything about any place called St. Kitts. We don’t deal with slang in this country!” He continued by an even louder, “Guards!”

You see, if St. Kitts only had a test cricketer player, the Aussie immigration may have let the pilot through, but some of them do not have a sense of humor, and that must be borne in mind!  The pilot was interrogated for about two hours before they let him into the country. The same immigration officer stamped his passport, and said “Enjoy your stay, mate!”

57. The Cockroach! 2023

The world is changing very fast! Gone are the days of innocence or logic. Apparently, adults, and even children can identify what gender they want to be. You can even be “him” if you were born a “her”, and vice versa, and you can choose to be a “they” or even an “it,” a senior citizen was told. It was all too much. Whether it is hormone treatment or cutting off your b**s, he never quite saw the reasoning. Just identify whatever you want to be, and you can be it, literally and figuratively. It was all over the news, — every day.

So, being most skeptical of this way of thinking, our senior friend goes to the bar on a Friday afternoon, and orders a drink and tells the barman, “I just want to let you know that I have decided to identify as being as a cockroach” The barman says “What?” So, he responds “Yeah, I am just letting you know that I am identifying as a cockroach, because, you can never get rid of a cockroach, so when you are ready to close the bar, I will still be here, being a cockroach, who you can never get rid of!” They both had a good chuckle.

Of course, one his friends who was sitting at the bar, immediately comments, “You don’t have to identify as a cockroach, you are a cockroach!” followed by hoots of laughter!! Then another friend jumps in and says, “and we can call you “cock” for short!” More hoots of laughter!!

When it was time for the “Cockroach identifier” to leave, he paid his bill, and told the barman “I’ve changed, I am now identifying as a taxi driver, and I am going to take a taxi ride home! See you later!”

Young people have no hope for the future!

58. Getting caught at Christmas.1960’s

Growing up in the early 1960’s was a joy in the Caribbean, when you look back on those times. The neighborhood was safe, you and your friends could go anywhere in the neighborhood at any time of the day, once you are back before it gets dark! Not as safe as it sounds, as boys will be boys, and did crazy things, like climbing the tallest coconut or mango tree, or going down the hill in a go cart with a cliff at the end, which is trouble if you forget to turn, or there is “mechanical” failure! Around Christmas time every year, it was common for this one particular lady to arrange for carol singers to form a group, with the singers coming from the neighborhood. All boys in the neighborhood thought that singing carols was for sissy people. Carol singing, not me, we don’t do that namby-pamby singing thing!   One day, about two weeks before Christmas, about five of the boys were passing the house where the Royal Bank manager and his family lived, and as the boys were moving past the door, out came the lady who organized the signing. There was a moment when the time stood still as everyone froze. Everyone! Then the old lady said, “Oh Christopher, we need some more singers for our carols” Christopher was caught! At that moment all the other boys took off, full speed, all mumbling about “having to go home for something special” and sprinted up the road so fast that even Usain Bolt would have been proud, if he was yet born! But Christopher, he was caught, “Come inside Christopher, we are practicing right now, you can start right away!” Poor Christopher, he hated the thought of singing carols especially when his friends reminded him every single day. “Going to Carol singing, are you?” “Loosen up your voice, now, have some water!” “Do you know the song about 10 birds on the wall! ………..

59. Safety and the motorcycle. 1980’s

There were some young people who loved drinking, as many young people do. Some of them were quite foolish! One day, a chap with a 750-cc motorcycle went partying, as people do in the Caribbean. After drinking for quite a bit, he left the night club, closely escorted by his concerned friend who was worried about him driving a motorbike in that state. “Man, let me take you home!” “No, no, I am all right!” was the answer, and he proceeded to sit on the bike, and promptly, the bike fell sideways, to the right, with the owner on it. “Don’t worry, I am all right, I can ride, I can ride!” the owner responded. The friend helped the owner to straighten the bike, the owner got back on, and the bike promptly falls to the other side! “Don’t be silly,” said the friend, “I will drive you home.” “OK” said the owner, finally realizing his predicament. The friend promptly gets on the bike, and he falls off the bike, which then falls on him! The owner was quite indignant, and says “Man, you are worse than me, look out, I will ride home!” This is much to the amusement of the two other friends who turn up to watch the spectacle. After quite a bit of grumbling, and cussing, they come to a compromise. It was agreed that the owner would drive the bike home, but the friend would travel as well on the back, as he would be the “navigator”, to make sure the owner got home safely! Go figure.

“God looks after the good!” one of the by-stander friends said, while the other commented,” Yeah, but the good die young!”

Needless to say, both the owner and the friend made it home safely that night!!

60. Easter Jokes 1980s

Some time ago, over the long Easter weekend, the boys went out the boat called ‘Sun Trip” aka “Rum Trip” The weather was sunny, hardly any wind and virtually no clouds in the sky! It was a beautiful day! Gorgeous actually! The boys proceeded to Shitten Bay (yes, a name on the map in St. Kitts) with its crystal-clear water and white sandy bottom. This bay is inaccessible by car, and only accessible by boat. Anchored in the flat calm sea under the cliffs of the Southeast Peninsula, which was towards the East, it was sheltered, cozy, and idyllic. Post card picture perfect!

The boys breakout the rum, talked for a while, did some snorkeling, and ate some wonderful food, (KFC I think!) and drank some more rum! It was not long before they started reminiscing about the old days and started telling jokes. All types of jokes! Women jokes, sex jokes, old people jokes, Blond jokes, general jokes, —– and being Easter, —- Jesus jokes!!!

One guy tells this joke about Jesus, another about told his joke about the Pope, and another tells a few jokes about different religions, and the jokes are rambled off. Laughter was sweet and loud! Suddenly, the next thing they knew, the biggest, blackest, lowest, thundercloud appeared over the eastern cliffs from nowhere, and with no warning, and torrential rain started, followed by flashing lightning and LOUD thunder. And the wind really picked up, and because it was in a sheltered bay and the wind was very strong it was swirling from all directions. The concerned boys soon huddled under the small canvas canopy on the boat to shelter from the rain, and shortly thereafter, there was an almighty “BBBBRRRRRAAAAMMM” and off flew the canopy top into the sea, with rain soaking everyone on that boat. Someone mumbled something about “Rum and rainwater tastes quite good!” but he was not sure if anyone heard him, as there was a flash of lightening followed by an enormous sound of thunder “BBBBBOOOOOOOMMMMM!” About 5 minutes of pure hell! Suddenly, as quickly as it started the thunder cloud passed out to sea, and shortly thereafter, the wind died down to nothing, and the sun came back out. No one said anything for a couple of minutes! Then one of the guys, said, ‘You were the one who started these Jesus jokes, I have a good mind to throw you overboard!” The accused responded, “No, not me, He cannot vex with me, I nearly went to church last week.”

Notwithstanding, while a little shaken by the experience, they had one more drink, and then pulled anchor, and left Shitten Bay. Funnily enough, no more Jesus jokes were told for the rest of the afternoon, or for that entire Easter weekend.

A word to the wise was enough!!!!

61. St. Kitts verses the Big Apple. The Restaurant. 1980’s

In general terms, the smaller a community, the friendlier the people are likely to be. Conversely, the larger a community, the more of a rat race the society tends to be.

Caribbean people tend to be friendly people. But in many cases their work ethics can be limited. The service industry in restaurants and hotels, while much improved, often left a lot to be desired prior to the digital age, but employees always had a smile on their faces. The outlook to any issue was “No problem, Mon, it’s all good!” …… even if there really was a problem!

Early one evening some tourists from New York went to dinner in the capital town of Basseterre. One of the four guests owned a restaurant in New York, and knew the business inside out, having started at the bottom entry level, and worked his way up, gaining valuable experience, and now ran a successful small restaurant in the Big Apple. They had dinner, and they all agreed that while the menu was basic, the food was quite good. But the service …… — It left a lot to be desired. The waitress seemed to be very slow, although pleasant, and the service was just not very effective. Nonetheless, they had a few drinks after their meal, and coincidentally, they left at the same time when their inefficient waitress had finished her shift and was also leaving. As they exited the restaurant, and walked on the sidewalk, one of the New York guests slipped and fell on the concrete pavement. Before anyone could react, the same “slow and inefficient” waitress rushed over, asked how he was doing, is he ok? She also knew a little about injuries as her sister was a nurse and genuinely showed real concern for the injured tourist. She offered to help in any way. In the end, the injury was not serious, and the four tourists caught a taxi, and went back to the hotel. The restaurateur of the group was quiet during the whole drive back. One of his friends asked him, “Are you ok? You have not said a word since your fall!” “I am fine” he responded, but I was just thinking about different cultures of the world. “What do you mean?” asked one of his friends. The restaurateur continued, “Think about it, the service we got tonight at the local restaurant was pretty poor, awful in fact, but when I fell, our waitress showed genuine concern and a total willingness to help me in my injured state in any way she could. He paused, and then said, “If this was New York, it would have been the exact opposite. The service in the restaurant would have been impeccable and they would be falling all over themselves to serve you in a New York restaurant. But as soon as the staff member was off duty, and you fell outside, there is absolutely no way they would have lifted a finger to help a fallen person, and they would have walked right pass you and left you on the ground.” There was silence for a while as they all thought about what he said, and realized it was true.

Apparently, it is rumored that this episode affected the way the New York owner looked at his staff hiring procedures, as he no longer looked only for how “efficient” or how “good” a person could perform their work, but also what was their outlook to life in general, and to how the prospective employee candidates would treat people in a time of crises or need. He now wanted real, compassionate, empathic people to work for him, not insensitive robots.

Food for thought!

62. Going to the beach! 2015

One Saturday night, after finishing his run with the local HASH exercise group, this guy felt hungry and proceeded to a fast-food Chinese restaurant that obviously cooked all its food one time. The food came fast! An order of chicken -fried rice did not take long to reach after ordering. So, after ordering, the guy asked the Chinese man behind the till “What hours do you open?” He responds “From 10:00 am to 10.00 pm Monday to Thursday, 10:00 am to11:30 pm on Friday and Saturday night, and 12:00 noon to 10:00pm on a Sunday. So, the client asks the Chinese man, “That’s working seven days a week, don’t you go to the beach?” The Chinese looked at him with indignation and disrespect, and answered in a louder voice “Of course, every Sunday morning!!”

Here he is working 7 days a week and is proud that he has ample time to go to the beach on Sunday mornings, when he is not at work! I remember thinking, no wonder Chinese in the Caribbean are so successful, and why Caribbean people struggle when competing against a “work ethic” like that! You cannot compete!

Sunday mornings for the beach and that’s it! That is no way to live!

63. The Hiker –The Duke of Edinburgh Award. 2023

Two young fellows spent their early life in St. Kitts then went to school in England. After several years, one of the character-building programs that can be undertaken is the “Duke of Edinburgh” award. This young fellow would have finished a couple of years earlier, but COVID put a halt to the program. The Duke of Edinburgh program involves lots of character-building events such as volunteer work 25 hours, part time job 6 months, learning a new skill, etc., etc., etc., (Volunteering, Physical, Skills, Expedition, according to google) and the final event in this case was a cross-country hike, where you walk with your back-pack containing tent, food, toilet paper, etc. for five days, and spend four nights in your tent out in the open, irrespective of rain, cold, heat, bugs, it does not matter! It builds character! The young fellow did not want a heavy backpack with too much food, so he ate well the day before he left. He woke up the next day just a little constipated, so he said he would wait until they got to the bathroom on the first day! Well, this hike is way out in the moors and boondocks, far from any civilization. And very far from the toilets! You are supposed to go in the bush and do your thing and then dig a small hole and bury it. But he was uncomfortable doing that in the days of cell phone cameras etc.  Day 1, nothing, not going in the bush, Day 2, nothing, not going in the bush, Day 3 nothing, not going in the bush, and by Day 4, he could hardly walk, and nothing, refusing to go in the bush! No poo, not in the woods, not in the bushes, not in his pants, not anywhere. He held in his poo for all five days, saying that he did not want to poo in the bushes!

Needless to say, he nearly blew up the toilet when he got home! The sound effects! The stench!! It is alleged that some of the paint even peeled off the walls!!! Can you imagine!!!

64. The Queen, the veteran, the old lady–and the Taxi-man. 1986

 The Queen and Prince Phillip visited St. Kitts-Nevis on an official visit. In the early 1980’s the Royal Family was still quite popular among the population, unlike today, where many young people have no time for Royalty. This was just after St. Kitts and Nevis achieved independence from Great Britain in 1983, so a large crowd was invited to Government House to meet the Queen and Prince Philip. When the queen arrived, she went out in the manicured gardens and started to talk to people who were lined up side by side waiting their turn to meet her. One elderly Kittitian gentleman had six medals on his chest, three war medals from World War 2 and three civilian medals. It is normally customary for the queen to seek out veterans or people with recognized success and to speak briefly with them. Next to the elderly gentleman was an old lady who was his next-door neighbor of the veteran, and a big supporter of the Royal family from the old days. So, when the Queen reached the gentleman with all the medals she stopped and conversed with him and asked him about the medals and what he did in the war, etc, etc. The lady next to the veteran was there, absolutely beaming that “The Queen” was so close to her. Behind her was a large taxi man who, when the queen stopped to talk to the veteran, said “I got to shake she hand,” and stuck his hand over the old lady’s shoulder to try and shake the Queen’s hand! The Queen ignored this crude request, so the taxi man leaned over even more to get his hand closer to the Queen, so she could shake it, but in doing so he stepped on the foot of the old lady. There was an almighty shriek “AAAAHHHHH” said the old lady and actually reached down to rub her instep! The Queen carried on nonchalantly, finished the conversation with the veteran, had a few words asking of the health of the old lady, and continued down the line. Of course, when the Old Lady had screamed, several bodyguards of the Queen immediately appeared in the vicinity but were not required to conduct any action. The large taxi man never did get to “Shake she hand!

65. Smoking tobacco. 1990s

In the early 1990’s the Company Secretary of an established company in St. Kitts was clearing out some of the old documents in their vault as it was becoming cluttered. While moving documents, he perused a few of the old files and came across the Chairman’s report from 1961. The Company used to sell Tobacco products among other products. Reading the Chairman’s report, he was amazed, that the Chairman advised that over the last financial year they had sold 16 million cigarettes. In 1961. That’s a lot of cigarettes for a small population of about 35,000 people in those days. And no tourists or other groups visited the islands at that time; all sales were local. Curiosity got the better of the Company Secretary, and he called the Manager of their Wholesale department who said they had sold just under 4 million cigarettes in the last financial year. He went on to say that most of the cigarettes were sold to the visiting cane cutters from Guyana and St. Vincent who lived on the island for six months of the year. And the hotels. A few days later he met the Manager of the single main competitor of tobacco sales at a party, revealed the statistics to him, and the competitor advised that he only sold about 1 million cigarettes a year, but virtually all were sold to the restaurants and hotels and major supermarkets, which were mostly frequented by visitors and ex-patriots. He said that very few cigarette sales were made to the small businesses in the villages around the two islands. That view coincided with the research of the Company Secretary. He wondered “What changed in St. Kitts-Nevis to make a population of very heavy smokers change to a population of virtual nonsmokers in one generation” They were a few theories but no concrete evidence. Wow, one generation for such a major change!

Today, virtually no locals on the island smoke tobacco. It is very rare! However, smoking weed, that’s a different story!

66. “Ahh Rreeeaady!” Late 1990’s

There was this guy who considered himself a bachelor for life, and liked to party, but as always happens, he meets the girl of his dreams, and they get married. And he becomes quite responsible. So, of course, soon after, the first baby comes along and as all fathers know, for the next three years all social activities stop, and all plans revolve around the young one. Social life is finished! The early Friday nightlife and regular golf games and almost all other non-baby activities come to a complete stop. Baby rules your life! Except for an event called a HASH. A HASH is an organized gathering once every three weeks where a group of people organize a walk or a run at different parts of the island for each event. Both the walking trail and the running trail are preset, and after the exercise is completed, a few beers are consumed from the back of a pick-up. So, for this married man, his only chance to have a couple of beers is every three weeks after the HASH run. Lots of people attend, including many of his friends, so it was a chance for him to have a few quick drinks before being bundled into the car and to head back home. His wife used to attend as well just to get out of the house and just play with the young son who could just barely walk, while everyone else went on the walk or the run. On one occasion his wife and the husband went in separate cars as she had a small function to attend and would have to leave early. So, after the HASH run, the husband realizes that his wife has already left with the young son. Ah ha, a chance to have a good few beers, a chance to let off some steam, as his wife has gone home! So, he put in his drinks good and proper. This opportunity cannot be wasted! Well, soon, he was the only thing that was wasted! The wife had called several times on the phone, but he ignored the calls! After having endless beers, Mr. Husband drives home very slowly to ensure that he gets home safely, as he is now a responsible person! And now, of course, he’s feeling very frisky, like extremely frisky, ready for some action! When he arrives home, his better half is of course, already in bed, fast asleep, lying on her side, with her back to him. But he has just reached back and he’s “ready!” Not just “ready” but “READY!” He literally staggers into bed, digs his wife in her back, and says, “Ah Reeaaddy!” Getting no response, he pokes her in her back again, this time, much harder, and says again in a very slurred voice, “Aaaahhh rrreeaaaddddyyy!” His wife wakes up, still hurting from the very hard dig in her back, turned over to find out what he was talking about and why he was digging her in the back. She sees this absolutely, totally drunk out of his mind, smelling stink of alcohol, husband, looking at her, smiling with this big watermelon smile, and says again, much louder, “Aahhh REEEAAADDDDYYY!” Well, his wife takes one look at him and says with absolute disgust. “If you’re the last man in the whole world, I would never go near to you in that disgusting state!” She gets up in absolute huff, walks out of their bedroom and into the other bedroom to share the bed with the baby. And locks the door! The husband mumbles as she’s leaving the room, “Ah guueess you nah rreeaaddy yyyeett!”. She did not speak to him for the next three days and was not “ready” for another three weeks, just to teach him a lesson!

67.Going Home 1970’s

1970’s: Juan was a ladies’ man! It did not matter that he was married, Juan liked to play the field, have fun with the ladies, not worry about married restrictions and vows. His wife was a big Christian. Juan also loved to drink.  The drinking and the lady fun went together. And boy could Juan drink! The more he drank the more he chatted up the ladies. Then one day around carnival, Juan put in his drinks good and proper, and started chatting up a lady. Drinking all afternoon and all night, trying out his best chat-up lines, but the lady would have none of it, and she went home. At this stage Juan has his drinks to the maximum, and does not know where he is, so a friend drops him home.  As soon as he hit his bed, he was fast asleep, out like a shot. His wife totally ignored him. A couple of hours later, Juan wakes up still absolutely hammered from alcohol, not even sure where he is and then says out loud “Oh my gosh, it’s quite late, I better go home before I get into trouble with my wife”. Then he heard this very angry voice next to him from his wife, “What do you mean Juan, you ARE home. Exactly WHAT do you mean?” Fortunately, Juan was too inebriated to respond. The Doghouse for the next week was an understatement!

68. The Index Finger 1960’s

In the early 1960’s there was a great rivalry between Antigua and St. Kitts, particularly in cricket. Every year, the Leeward Islands Cricket Tournament was very hotly contested, and the two best cricket teams were always Antigua and Saint Kitts. Long before the days of the Internet, television, social media, television replays, etc., the radio was the only way to follow the game. Unless —– you were on the home island where the game was being played and attended! In those days the whole island went to watch cricket! A lot of passion, a lot of emotion and a lot of very noisy hostility to the other team’s players from the crowds. And the crowds were big! One particular year when the game was being played in Antigua, it was a very close game and was coming to an end. Antigua was batting and were in trouble and St. Kitts only needed a couple of wickets to win the game. One Antigua batsman was well set, and the other batsman was struggling to survive the aggressive pace bowling. The St. Kitts pace bowler had already taken several wickets. Steaming into bowl, the Antiguan crowd was very hostile, very agitated, very aggressive, and very close to the boundary ropes.  Being near the end of the day, a lot of Rum had been consumed. In no uncertain manner the crowd were letting their feelings known to the St. Kitts fielders, bowlers and even the umpires. Very hostile atmosphere! So, in that volatile atmosphere the bowler races in and delivers a fantastic yorker, a bullet of a delivery, beating the batsman all ends up, plumb in-front, LBW! The whole St. Kitts team erupt into the air as one, with a confident appeal! HHHHOOOOOOWWWWWWW? The umpire starts to put up his index finger indicating the batsman is out but as the hostile, dangerous crowd gets very verbal, agitated, and start to encroach on the playing field, the umpire reacted, and as soon as his index finger got straight up in the air, he shook it from left to right and said, “Not out!” Unbelievable! You had to be there to see it! As you can imagine, massive arguments broke out between the St. Kitts players, the Antiguan batsmen, the umpires, not to mention the crowd! Not quite sure how the game ended but believe that the umpires declared bad light and called off the game and ran for cover. Those were the days!!

69. The Condo sale! Early 1980’s

There was this guy originally from Barbados but lived many years in one of the smaller islands in the small Leeward Islands. He was an accountant by trade but ended up being an investor and developer, constructing condominiums. He started a construction project with his fellow investors, and he was appointed Sales Manager. After a year or two the project was completed. A few condominiums were sold during construction, but not many and they had to go to a bank for extra financing. So, sales were crucial as the project was now finished. Most of the clients were from the USA but they were experiencing a recession, so sales were very slow. However, out of the blue, an American came to view the Condominiums and fell in love with one, being right on a white sand beach and all. Right on the spot he paid the deposit, and it was just a matter of completing the relevant paperwork to finalize everything. Of course, it took a couple of months for all the papers to be finalized, and the relevant sales taxes to be paid, and the deal is closed.  The final transaction was when the American purchaser wrote a check for $550,000 U.S. dollars for the balance owed. So, the Sales Manager is pleased with himself, and he goes home, puts down the check and goes and has a few drinks with his friends to celebrate. Things are good, and he is now focused on two possible additional sales. Sales were originally slow but now things were picking up!

 About five months later he had a small luncheon party with some of his good friends, with about 12 people attending, and his lovely wife was cooking lunch, everything was good. Quite a few beverages were consumed, particularly by the men. Scotch and Coconut water was a drink of the day for most of the men in attendance! Soon the coconut water that was outside by the bar was finished and the developer says, “No problem, man, come, I got some more coconut water in my fridge.” His friend goes with the developer and opens the fridge and takes out the coconut water when his friend spots a piece of paper on top of the fridge, which falls to the floor when the fridge door was closed. His friend picks it up and glances at it and he gives it to his developer friend. “Oh no,” says the Sales Manager, “This is the check for $550,000 U.S. dollars for the Condo sale, and it’s dated five and a half months ago!”  He then continues in a carefree voice, “I forgot that I had put the check on top of the fridge! I was investigating interest rates at the different banks, and I got sidetracked and I completely forgot about it! Never mind, we’ve got plenty of Coconut water, and Scotch, all is good!”

That is a check for $550,000 U.S. dollars sitting on top of fridge with nothing holding it down in place and forgotten about for 5 1/2 months because he’s looking for the best possible interest rates, never mind the bank loan to pay! Life in the Tropics, “No problem, man!”!

70. The Strong Businessman. 1990’s

This chap was an esteemed businessman in one of the neighboring islands. Before he closed any deal, he always took out the potential business associate for a drink, to get a feel for his personality, so he would know who they were dealing with. So, one day, he arranged to meet his potential business associate for a drink at a bar. He immediately took a dislike for the potential business colleague as he struck him as being a soft, effeminate, very mamby, pampy type of person. The owner of the business asked the potential business colleague what drink he would like to have. The potential business colleague responds in a high-pitched voice, “I’ll have a small rum and coke, but I don’t like strong drinks, so don’t make it too strong!” The business owner, watched the potential colleague for several long seconds, and then responded, “There are no strong drinks, just weak people!”

Needless to say, the business deal was not successful!

71. Salt Water Corrodes 1980’s

There was this young guy who considered himself a lover boy, who liked to chat up the girls and see if he could get some fun and action later. He generally chatted up tourists, as they were easier to talk to and you could talk about the same things every week with a different girl. One day he was talking with the boys, and he said that he preferred women who were married or, the girls who had boyfriends, so long as neither the husband nor the boyfriend was on that trip to St. Kitts. “Why?” enquired his friends. “Well,” he said, “All girls like to fool around and try something new, and a vacation without hubby or a boyfriend, they love to play!” He continued, “And secondly, salt water corrodes!” One of his friends asked, “What do you mean, salt water corrodes?”  Lover boy responded “I mean there is a LOT of salt water between here and where they come from! A lot, like 5,000 miles of salt water, and that’s a lot of corrosion!”

72. The Hit Man! 1980’s

In the early 1980’s there was this guy from the USA of an Italian background. He thought of himself as a tough guy and always tried to give that impression to anyone he met. He told everyone, he was once a hit man and enjoyed seeing their reaction! Notwithstanding, once you got to know him, he was more like a “likable rogue”, with his bark far worse than his bite! But no one really knew and there was always some doubt. One night, he was invited to a cocktail party, and he soon found that most people were shunning him and avoiding him. He was a bit annoyed, went to the bar and had a couple of real stiff drinks. After a while the barman asks him why he is not talking to anybody. He said “I don’t know why no one is talking to me. I mean, after all, I have only killed 6 people in my life!”

73. The car Accident 1960’s

There was a well-known businessman in the late1960’s who co-owned a small business. He was well respected. Unfortunately, he was cross-eyed, but that did not stop him from being successful. He was a quiet man but occasionally lost his temper, not often, but occasionally. It was claimed that when he lost his temper, his cross eyes became more pronounced! They crossed even more! One day, he bought a new car and was as proud as could be! A few days later, he was involved in an accident with another vehicle, and the front of his car was smashed! The businessman was furious! He gets out of the car at the same time as the other driver in the other car, and shouts in a loud voice, “Why don’t you look where you are going!” The other driver, who was just as annoyed, responded, “Me, — why don’t you go where you are looking!”

74. The Big Ugly Dog. 1970’s

Some people are naturally afraid of dogs. Some people really like dogs. Most dog owners take the dogs for regular walks. In St. Kitts, this family owned a dog for protection. It was a half boxer, was large and had most of the boxer characteristics, including a large, wrinkled skin covered floppy face, always dribbling, and a pushed-in snout. I mean, this dog was real UGLY! Rather than take the dog for a walk, they would take their dog for a ride in their car. And the dog loved it! Every afternoon, it would lie on its back in the back seat, its parts hanging down, and enjoying the breeze blowing over its face. One day the car broke down and had to go into the mechanic’s shop for engine repairs, and taken in on a Thursday, and would be in the shop all weekend until the following Monday. Well, Thursday afternoon, there was no car, no drive, and Mr. Dog was not impressed, sitting by the gate. The next day, Friday, no car, no drive, again! The dog is now barking down the place by the front garden gate. Saturday, no car, no drive, and dog is going ballistic! Barking, growling, running, and beyond all, dribbling a ton load of thick saliva, that would fly everywhere when the dog changed direction in its agitated state, As fate would have it, an Auntie decides to visit the dog owners that same Saturday, opens up the garden gate to enter, and out files dog and takes off up the road, immediately followed by 5 family members running after him! Further up the road was an old Land Rover, being driven, very slowly, and coincidently driven by a man who was, naturally, afraid of dogs! Well, this dog approached the land rover jeep at speed, jumped up through the front passenger window, sat down in the front passenger seat, and looked at the driver. It had thick saliva drooling down its face, panting hard, and a contented look that queried, “Where are we going!”. Well, the driver nearly s**ts himself! After freezing for about 3 seconds, he opens his car door and dives out of the Land Rover on the rough road payment while the vehicle is still slowly moving. Immediately after that happened, who should run around the corner to see the jeep driving on the road, with no driver and just the dog, were the 5 family members that were chasing after the dog! One said, “Oh my gosh, the dog is driving the Land Rover!”

Their facial expressions were priceless!

75. Shopping for Pants. 1990’s

This guy from St. Kitts was of average height about 5 ft. 11 in. and average weight of about 180 pounds, with a strong neck. He hated shopping for clothes, but every year when he travelled overseas to the USA and Canada on vacation, his wife forced him to go shopping for clothes. Shopping for pairs of trousers, jeans and shorts etc. He hated it; he hated it with passion! But one day he made a discovery! If he took any of his trousers and wrapped the waist of the trousers around his neck, if the two ends just met, that meant that the pants were a perfect fit for his waist, and he did not actually have to try them on. So, the next time they were in Canada, they go shopping and his wife says, “Try these on.” He takes both pairs, one by one he wraps them around his neck, and hands them back to his wife and says, “They both fit!”

His wife was quite irritated and made him go to the changing room to try them on. To her absolute surprise, they both fit perfectly!  “See” he says! After he explained how it worked, she made him try on another pair just to make sure they fit which it did, and finally she agrees to accept his method of trying on his pants.

Going forward, because it was now so easy to try on pants, he never minded buying pants. The only thing was, everyone else in the store would look at this man as though he his crazy, wrapping several pants around his neck, one after the other, and shouting to his wife, “Yes, these fit!!” One West Indian observer was heard to observe, “Those must be Turtle-neck pants or something?”

76. The Song, “Je T’aime” Early 1970’s

In the very early 1970s in St. Kitts, there was no internet, no google, no television, nothing. The Caribbean had its own way of life. You learned everything by reading a book, or by life experiences, or from stories! When someone in your neighborhood had a birthday party in St Kitts in the age groups of around 13 to 16, the boys and the girls were invited and played a variety of games. There was always music in the background for dancing later, and everybody brought their 45 rpm records of all the latest songs of the day! Reminiscing, the games were quite mature for such young people. There was “Spin the bottle,” also “Dare, truth, and consequences” and of course the very famous and popular “Kissing hoop”. For spin a bottle, the girls and boys got in a big circle and the bottle was spun and whoever the bottle pointed to, once they were of opposite sex, you gave them a kiss on the cheek, and then it would be their turn to spin the bottle! “Dare, truth and consequences” was where someone asked another person a question, and if you answered it correctly, all was good, and if you the answer was incorrect the question wrong, the questioner would dare you to do something — like kiss a girl. “Kissing hoop” was everyone’s favorite, where either it was boys to catch girls or alternately, girls to catch the boys and when you caught them you gave them a quick kiss on the cheek or occasionally on the lips. These games are all innocent as their parents were usually upstairs on the verandah, having a few drinks, talking, drinking, and keeping an eye on proceedings, while the kids were downstairs doing their thing.

After the various games, the dancing started. There was music for fast dancing and for slow dancing. One of the most popular songs for slow dancing was a song called “Je T’aime” 1969, by Jane Birken and Serge Gainsbourg. The boys and the girls were having a great time fast dancing and then somebody changed the music and put on a different 45 rpm record and put on “Je T’aime.” A very popular song! Nice slow song! So, the boys rushed to ask individual girls to dance. This nice slow song, and slow dancing is really sweet, when suddenly, the door from upstairs opens and the French-Canadian mother of the daughter whose birthday it was, bursts in and says in a very strong French accent, “Turn off de music, turn on de lights, de party’s is over!” She continued, “Do you know what the words to that song mean?” “No”, everyone all said truthfully and innocently, “We have no idea, it is in French!” “What does it say?” asked one teenager boy! There was just a little deep breathing in the song, but nothing much, and even then, they did not know what that was supposed to mean. The French-Canadian mother said in a very strong accent, “No way, but you are way too young,” and off went the music and on went the lights!! No one had any idea what the words were until eventually when the Internet came twenty-five years later and someone Googled the words of this song, and discovered they really were very suggestive. But none of us could speak French at the time so it was not a big deal! —- Life in the tropics. The fathers who were upstairs, having had a few rums, thought it was hilarious!

77. Visiting London Middle 1980’s

This guy from St Kitts travelled to London for a one-month course. He met up with his friend who was living in London. They enjoyed a good drink from time to time so they decided on a Friday night they would go to a pub for a few drinks. They went to the bar and bought a couple of drinks. The bar was crowded! It was Friday night! Nonetheless they ordered two pints, and the resident Londoner brought beers back to the table, of course in glasses. So, the Caribbean guy bought the next round and returned to the table, with the beer spilling over the sides of the glasses and some spilt on him. The barman had filled the glasses to the absolute top of the glasses, so it is inevitable that some of the beer spilt when buying more than one beer. A normal cultural procedure for England, filled to the top! The guy from the Caribbean soon thereafter realized that it was his round again as the drinks were going down fast! So, when he went for the drinks at the very crowded bar he said to the barman “Excuse me, please do not fill the glasses to the top, leave some space”! Everyone in the immediate vicinity waiting for drinks or sipping their beer turned and looked at this guy! If looks could kill! Who is this idiot who is asked the barman not to fill up the glasses to the top with beer, where the hell did he come from? The barman looked incredulous, never having heard that request before in over 25 years of serving at a bar! Sheepishly, the visitor from the Caribbean decided that this was a major embarrassment, so told the barman, “Just bring the beers, fill them up to the top, what are you waiting on, Christmas?” If you cannot beat them, join them!

78. Bequia – The Neighbor. Around 2007.

I lived in Bequia in the Grenadines for three years and while I was there, I rented a beautiful house which was only ten minutes away from where I worked. The yacht marina I worked at was in Port Elizabeth on the Caribbean side, but my house was just over the top of the hill from the marina and overlooked the Atlantic Ocean. The house was in Hope Valley and when people asked where I lived, I used to say, “I am living in Hope!!’ Silly joke but it tickled me!

I moved into the house mid-week and everything was fine. The house was detached, and I had neighbors on both sides but there was plenty of land between the houses. The first night was perfect. I could hear the tree frogs chirping away hoping to attract a mate and, in the distance, I could hear the sea rolling up onto the beach down below. It appeared to be an idyllic spot to live, and I went to sleep that first night feeling very happy and contented. Until Sunday morning!

I don’t sleep late any morning but back then I was working on Saturday’s so a nice lie in on Sunday morning was something to be enjoyed. However, on my first Sunday morning I was rudely awoken by the raucous sound of a weed whacker going at full throttle!! I’m sure you will understand why I felt a little annoyed, especially when I checked my phone to see that it was just 6 am!! I was not happy! I thought that maybe I was just having a bad dream, so I pulled the sheets over my head a little more and tried to block out the noise. Not possible!! It just seemed to go on and on and got louder by the minute as the weed whacker advanced towards my house. Eventually it was too much to take so I got up and went out onto my balcony where I saw my next-door neighbor cutting the grass on his land. And he had a fair bit of land!! I shouted at him and waved my arms until he eventually noticed me and stopped working. The silence was pure bliss!! He asked me what I wanted, and the conversation went a little like this!

Me. “I appreciate that you need to cut your grass, but must you do it this early on a Sunday morning?

Him. “I always do it on a Sunday morning!”

Me. Hello, my name is Garry, and I have just moved in. I work on Saturday and would like a little peace and quiet on a Sunday morning. Could you not cut your grass later in the day?’

Him. “I always do it on a Sunday morning”

Me. “Yes, you already said that. I just wanted to know if you would kindly cut your grass a little later in the day”

Him. “I always do it on a Sunday morning”

By now I had gotten the message. He always cuts his grass on a Sunday morning!!

Me. “I’m sorry sir, what is your name please?’

Him. “Ted”

Me. “Thanks Ted. I understand that you always cut your grass on a Sunday morning but I’m asking if you could do it a little later in the day. It’s only just a little after 6 am!!”

Him. “I always do it early on a Sunday morning.”

And with that he cranked up his weed whacker again and I had to endure two hours of the terrible noise it made. Well, I didn’t expect perfection in my new home, but I certainly didn’t expect this!! And seeing as Ted had told me he always does this on a Sunday morning I had the glum thought that I would be putting up with this next Sunday and the Sunday after……and ever after! Not a pretty thought!

That day I headed to the beach for lunch and a swim and got back home at dusk. I chilled out a little while and again the tree frogs started singing and the sea kept rolling. Lovely. Then at around 9 pm, all of the lights in Ted’s house went out. Aha I thought! Ted and his family are early to bed types!! No wonder he cuts his grass so early. I hatched a plan. I love music, especially rock, pop and blues music, so I decided to play an album by one of my favorite groups The Who. The very loud and raucous Who!! On the balcony!! So, I set up my speakers on my balcony facing Ted’s house and turned the music on……. nice and loud!! It took around ten minutes for Ted’s lights to come back on slap bang in the middle of “Won’t get fooled again!” I could see Ted waving his arms frantically on his balcony, so I gave it a couple of minutes then paused the music. Then we had this conversation.

Him. “Can you please turn your music off!! It is very early, and me and my family have gone to bed!

Me. (I think you know what’s coming!!) “I always do this on Sunday evening!”

Him. “Can you not play it a little earlier?”

Me. “I always do it on Sunday evening”

Him. “But my family are trying to sleep. Can you not play your music another time?”

Me. “I always do this on Sunday evening!”

With that Ted went back inside, I put the music back on and I played it for two hours. The exact same time Ted had weed whacked!!

My week was relatively uneventful. I went to work and looked forward to Sunday with trepidation……but with a little hope! After all I lived in Hope!

Next Sunday came and nothing happened. There was no weed whacker at 6 am and so in respect there was no Who at 9pm.

So, this was my introduction to my neighbor Ted. Peace had been declared but I understood it might be a fragile peace, but I enjoyed where I lived, and I hoped all would be well in the future. Time alone would tell.

79. Bequia – The Cat. Around 2007.

After I had lived in my new house for a couple of weeks, I arrived home one evening to find a cat sitting on my doorstep. I stepped over it and opened the door. The cat took this as an invitation to come in too, but I chased it away and shut the door. I thought nothing more of it until the next night. When I got home there was the same cat sitting on the doorstep and once again it tried to get into my house. This happened for four nights in a row and on the fifth night this cat looked at me so forlornly that I buckled. I don’t like to see animals suffer and I figured it was a stray, and it was hungry. I got the cat some food which I placed outside on the balcony and shut the door.

When I arrived home the next night the cat was sitting on the doorstep but this time it was crying quite pitifully so I bent down to look at it to see what might be wrong. I examined it and found that it had been bitten, probably by a centipede, on one of its front paws. The pad was in a bit of a mess, and the cat must’ve been in a lot of pain. I brought it indoors, gave it some food and some of my painkillers in the hope they would help to ease the pain a bit. Then I put the cat on a blanket and went to a friend who had cats and borrowed a cat carry bag. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a permanent vet on Bequia so if the cat needed treatment, I would have to take it to St Vincent on the ferry to the vet over there. Next morning, bright and early, I loaded to cat into the carry bag and drove down to the ferry. Two hours later I was at the vet, and she confirmed that the cat had been bitten by a centipede. She praised me for the treatment I had given the cat and then she put the cat under anesthetic and did a minor operation on its paw then bandaged it up. She also gave me a prescription for medication and instructions on how to care for the cat over the next few days until it has recovered. Then I paid a not an unsubstantial bill!!

On the ferry back to Bequia the cat woke up in its carry bag and after a few pitiful, druggy meows, it vomited all over the bag and itself. Perfect!! I did my best to clean it up a bit but by the time we arrived in Bequia the cat stunk, I stunk and many of our fellow passengers had moved in the general direction of away!!

Soon we were home, and I properly cleaned the cat and made it a bed in the spare bedroom. Then I had a shower and made some coffee. Ok I thought to myself, it looks like I have been adopted by a cat!! After everything we had been through over the past week, I thought that fate had brought us together and that I should get used to being a cat owner!! I even decided on a name for it! Because it was a bit grey and striped, I decided on “Marbles.” Nice name I thought.

Around 10 pm I was watching tv and out of the corner of my eye I saw Marbles walking very unsteadily towards the door to the balcony. It had just woken up from its drug-induced sleep and looked like a drunk wobbling towards the toilet! Unfortunately, the cat hadn’t noticed the door was shut and it walked headfirst into the glass!! Ooops!! Anyway, I rescued Marbles, let her outside for a pee and put her back to bed. You will all be happy to know that over the next few days Marbles recovered nicely and within a week she was her usual self. By now we had a nice bond, I bought her proper cat food and a blanket and when I got home from work there she would be on the doorstep. I would invite her in, give her food and have the occasional chat with her. She liked to stretch out on the sofa next to me while I watched tv or read a book. Now we are family!!

A couple of days later I was at work in my office when my mechanic, a man called Kerry, knocked on my door. I invited him in expecting to chat with him regarding some piece of equipment he might need. Instead, he said, “Garry, can I ask you a question?” “Of course,” I said. Then he said…….”You know your neighbor Ted? He wants to know why you stole his cat!!!!!” Whaaaaaaaat!!!!! Stole his pesky cat??? I didn’t steal his cat!!!!! I told Kerry my cat story and told him to tell Ted to come and get his blinking cat as soon as he likes!!!

So, I looked after this cat. I fed it, cared for it, took it to the vet, which cost a fortune I might add, and generally felt good about having a cat at home. But now as far as I was concerned Ted could come for his cat that very evening.

When I arrived home Marbles was sitting on the doorstep looking very smug and content. I opened the door and let her in but you can imagine the puzzled look on her face when I didn’t give her any food….or water……or a cuddle. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door. It was Ted. I opened the door and as he stood on the doorstep, I handed him the food bowls I had bought for Marbles along with the blanket I had bought for her which depicted pussy cats as pirates. Then I handed him his cat.

I closed the door on them both. No words had been spoken.

80. Bequia — Senior Technician. Around 2007.

After a few weeks living in Hope, I decided to get internet TV. I had been watching local TV but missed watching football matches, so I decided to have internet TV installed. I went to the local service provider and ordered the service. They told me that someone would come to me “a week on Friday” to install the service. Wonderful I thought, just in time for that weekend’s football. As promised, this guy arrived on Friday and checked the connections so that he could do the installation. He told me that the previous tenant had used their company and that he had watched TV in his bedroom which was where the connection was previously installed. I wanted to watch TV in my lounge so I asked if he could install it there. He said yes and set to work. After a few minutes a friend visited so I made him some coffee, and we sat on the balcony and chatted. After around 15 minutes the technician said he was finished and asked me to sign his work sheet which I did. Silly me!! I should have checked his work first!!

Once my friend left, I went to look at the work and to try my new TV service. Please try to envisage the situation. The original connection was in the far-left corner of my bedroom. The TV was in the far right of my lounge so simply put, the connection and the TV were separated by the wall between the bedroom and the lounge, but they were literally only a couple of feet apart and there was already a hole through the wall where cables could be fed!! However, the technician had connected the cables to the wall connecter in the bedroom, ran them along the wall around the bedroom door, then along the lounge door to the TV!!! So instead of neatly installing a couple of feet of cable he had installed around thirty feet of cable and what was more, I now couldn’t shut my bedroom door!!

I jumped in my car and headed down to the Cable Company to explain what had happened and to ask if this guy could come back immediately to fix the cabling. The young lady told me that it was not possible as he had other work on that day but that she would reschedule him for a future date. She said she would check with him and would call me later that day about a new date. She called that afternoon but instead of telling me when he could come, she told me that this guy was unhappy with me because I had “disrespected” his work!! Silly me!!! I keep forgetting I was living in the Caribbean and it’s against the law to show anyone here any kind of disrespect, even if their work leaves a lot to be desired!! Anyway, the result was that this guy didn’t want to come back to fix the problem so I asked what could be done. The young lady told me that, in the circumstances, she would send me a senior technician to fix the cabling. I thanked her very much and asked her when he could come. “Two weeks today”: she said!!! Whaaaat??  But it needs fixing now I protested, and she asked me, “Can you watch your TV?” Yes, I said. “Well,” she said, “that’s ok, isn’t it?” Ah, the Caribbean!! You’ve got to love it!

I did manage to get one concession out of her. Because I had to be at work at 8 am I asked for the senior technician to come to me as soon as possible on that Friday morning and she said she would ensure he would arrive at 8 am. I have to say I was a bit skeptical but there wasn’t much I could do apart from wait and continue to live in Hope!

On the allotted Friday morning I was up and ready for work bright and early ready for the SENIOR technician guy. At around three minutes to eight I was looking out of my front door when I noticed my neighbor Ted leave his house and got into his small van. He started the engine then drove forward around ten yards and parked his van outside my house. Ted then got out and went into the back of his van and came out carrying a large tool bag. Then he came down my drive and up to my front door.

Me. “Good morning, Ted. Can I help you”

Him. “I’m the Cable Company’s senior technician”

Me. (I can tell you what I said, but you will have to imagine what I was thinking! Yes, it was very much along the lines of “I’ve been waiting for you to come for two weeks, and you live right next door???”) However, I politely asked him to come in and I showed him the cabling. Then I asked him if he would like some tea or coffee. He shook his head. Ted fixed my problem. It took him three minutes. He asked me to check it and sign his work sheet which I did and when I handed it back to him, he said, “This is your fault! You should have checked my colleagues work before you signed his work sheet!” I smiled feeling a combination of having been chastised and embarrassed both at once! Ted was right, I should have checked. I didn’t ask why it had taken almost four weeks to correctly install internet TV which actually took three minutes to do. I thought, no, let’s just leave it at that.

Ted left my house, climbed into his van and drove away.

No more words were spoken.

First the grass cutting, then the cat, and now the cable technician! Surely, that could not be possible!

The Carnival continues!

81. The Meal at McDonalds 1976

The young guy from St. Kitts finished his “A” levels at high school and was now off to University in Canada to study Engineering, a very analytical subject. Arriving from the Caribbean where home cooking was good, he was not keen on the cafeteria food at the University. It was overpriced and under seasoned he thought. All the Canadians were of the same thought, that the food was not very good. On weekends, when there were no classes, this group of guys used to walk to the closest McDonalds fast food outlet. Anywhere is better than the cafeteria food, especially when you have a bit of a hangover. On this particular occasion, there were just three of them, including the Caribbean student from St. Kitts. They arrived at McDonalds famished, and each joined a different line to order the food. The other two lines cleared pretty quickly, but the line which the Caribbean student was in was moving quite slowly. Finally, there is one only person in front of him to get to the counter. She was a very fat, humongous lady who was excessively overweight. The Caribbean student is behind, can’t even see the counter, and waits while she orders her food. She starts. “I will have two big Macs, a quarter pounder with cheese, a fish burger, large fries, large apple pie, and a large diet coke.” The Caribbean student nearly collapsed, and he thought, “And a large what, did she say, DIET coke? A diet coke with that order! Is she on a diet? Why even bother?” he thought while smiling. “What difference will a diet coke make with that order?”

Being analytical, he thought about it for a while, and concluded that the order of a diet coke cannot be one of logic as it does not make sense, so it must be as a result of constant marketing, where people are conditioned to believe that the reduced calories in a diet coke must be good for body, irrespective of what else is eaten!

Food for thought!

82. The canadian Wedding 1980’s

We from the West Indies, take certain parts of our culture as a given! Carnival, rum, the slow pace of life, and many other aspects of culture. So, when a certain Kittitian living in Vancouver, Canada, advises his friends from St. Kitts that he is getting married, the boys back home were thrilled, and they all agree to attend the wedding and the “fete” or party.

The Kittitian was pleased that his friends were coming, to add a little Caribbean flavor to this mostly Canadian wedding and to catch up on old times! The boys booked their flights, and it is all good! With about 4 weeks to go before the wedding, and about 3 weeks before the boys depart, one of them calls his good friend to find out how things are going. He said all the normal wedding plans have been finalized, — location good, preacher good, D.J. organized, etc., etc. He said the only decision left to make was one of the several options on the wedding night, which apparently is quite common in Canada. His fiancé still had to decide on the type of wedding reception, depending on the number of guests attending, as quite a few more family than expected had confirmed they were coming, and the cost of feeding everyone was getting quite pricy. So, what are the options his Kittitian friend asked, and the reply was: ‘Well, either a) no alcohol will be served, or b) each guest buys his own alcohol, or c) they will only have a limited number of beers, or…” He never got to d)! “Wait, what do you mean, a wedding with no what, or you have buy what, or limited choice of what? You want us to fly all the way up there the far side of Canada to drink tea at the wedding? No man, that cannot be correct! If any of those are the options, then some of us won’t be make it to the wedding!” Fortunately, the light was seen very brightly and the wedding proceeded with an open bar for 4 hours albeit with only 4 different types of alcohol being served! Tea? Tea? We must drink tea at a wedding. No man! A bridge too far!

A great time was had by all, with many great memories!

83. The Working Hero. 1970’s

There was a certain large family which had a fair bit of wealth, and were all educated, but not all the family members quite believed in hard work. One of the older brothers sort of meandered through the first 25 years of his adult life, no real job, just a few small minor stints here and there. There was about 15 years difference between the eldest brother and the youngest brother. The young one thought that his oldest brother was fabulous not working and just travelling the world. Never worked for more than 6 months, and even then, his role would challenge the definition of “work.” Then, one day, the older brother found himself in hard times, and decided to get a real, permanent job. Well at least for a while. When the news reached his younger brother that his hero had actually got a job he was devastated. “How could he? What’s wrong with him, why is he actually working! He has let me down!”

I guess the definition of “HERO” varies from person to person!

84. The Brave Young Man. 1970’s

There was a certain young gentleman, (well, actually a teenager) who loved to party, enjoy life, and hang out with his friends. So, after a good night of drinking, couple of people asked him for a lift home. He dropped off the one, and was now driving home a young lady, who lived a few streets from where he lived. He decided to impress the young lady! Now, Basseterre in St. Kitts, had two Ghuts (or water courses) running right through the city, and into the sea. Most of the time they are bone dry, but occasionally after a lot of rain, the Ghuts “run” and turn into rivers where a torrent of fast flowing water flows into the sea. No traffic can pass through the Ghuts when water is flowing. The Government had built a small narrow bridge over the sidewalks (in the same direction) for cars to cross over single file when the Ghuts were flowing. Now, this night was a dry night, not a drop of rain. In fact, it was in the middle of a serious drought, and it had not rained for about 3 months!

Well, the young gentleman decides to inform the young lady that it looks like rain is coming so he better drive over the very narrow bridge over the sidewalk, so he can display his driving abilities and bravery! Driving slowly, he starts over the bridge. Now the St. Kitts police force in those days were not known for their quick response for anything, especially if there was a cricket game on. Or if there was a burglary, you would have pick them up from the Police Station as their transport was always in the shop! Not this time! Oh no! While the vehicle just started over the bridge, a loud voice rang out from a young policeman, “STOP! Where do you think you are going? Who gave you permission to drive over the bridge? I should take you to the station.” The young driver who loved life, (but not so much at that moment) started to beg pardon, “Sorry sir, yes, sir, it won’t happen again, sir, ……………………”

Needless to say, the young lady was not impressed, but quite amused!

85. The Sure Thing. Middle 1980’s

Young guys growing up on a small island can be very misguided. Also known as “Cavemen!” When young fellows are in their late teens there is usually only one thing on their mind – Girls. Some get girlfriends and some don’t. But raging hormones are difficult to control, especially when large amounts of alcohol act as a catalyst. There used to be a big debate between some of the boys on how best to get the girls! Once group were of the belief that their principle of “Go ugly early!”, which meant that very early in the night you go after a nicest of the ugly girls, and she would be so appreciative, that they were guaranteed “a sure thing.” At two in the morning, you had your girl with only one thing on your mind.

It was also believed by others in the same group that they should play hard to get (and usually did not get!), they would eventually run behind all of the pretty girls, virtually always being unsuccessful. All alone, very late in the night, there were only the REALLY ugly girls left, while members of the first group would be cooling out with the BEST of the uglies!

A Third group of guys were of the belief that the principle “Nobody is ugly after 2:00 am!” was superior! They believed that during the night they could chase all the pretty girls at first, and when they struck out, then at 2:00 am in the morning, after copious amounts of alcohol was consumed, they would be incapable of determining who is pretty and who was not, as by that time, all girls look beautiful, so it did not matter if the girl was ugly or not!!

These three principles no longer hold true, as they disappeared very fast with the invention of picture taking cell phones!!!

86. Going Dancing. 1980’s

Some guys will try anything to impress a girl and have a mutually good time. Especially with tourists. But having fun after meeting a girl in one or two nights is not easy. You must impress her and make her laugh! You can be sneaky without lying. Jack Tar Village Hotel was a tourist spot in the 1980’s. So, the boys were partying with girls, and the one saga boy was chatting up a nice-looking girl, and she said she wanted to go dancing! Saga Boy responds “Sure”, knowing that the only spot to dance was “The Light House” So he said sure let’s go, but he did not want to take here there because as soon as you sat down, other guys would be making a move particularly as soon as you went for a drink or to the washroom. So, he decided to be smart! He did not drive to “The Lighthouse”, but drove to a small Cafeteria in town, that only opens in the daytime and said to the girl “There’s The Lighthouse. But unfortunately, its closed!” And she said, “Oh no, I guess there no dancing then!” Putting on his saddest face, he confirmed “No, I guess not!” He then drove to a nice quite spot with a lovely nighttime view, chatted for a while and then a great time was had by both people! A couple of weeks later, the boys are again at Jack Tar Village Hotel, and since the “dancing” girl had travelled back to Canada, there were new girls at the Hotel and everyone was partying, partaking in a few drinks and having a good time. So saga boy asked the girl he was chatting up if she wanted to go dancing, and she says “Yes, of course, I’d love to” They jumped into his car, and saga boy thinks to himself, I going to do the same thing like a couple of weeks ago, he would not go to “The Lighthouse” he would drive to the Cafeteria try his smartness again. He drives up to the cafeteria which of course is closed as expected and says virtually the same thing “There is The Lighthouse, but unfortunately, it closed, that is such a shame.” There was a moment of silence, and then the girl responded in a rather loud voice, “That’s not the Lighthouse, I went to the Lighthouse last night and that is not it. What are you doing? Take me back to the Hotel right away, at once.”

It is reputed that the drive back to the Hotel could best be described as “The sound of silence” not to mention significant embarrassment and shame!

87. “Liar mouth” and “Bladder mouth” 1970’s

1970’s. When boys are young, they will try to do anything to impress the girls, to get in their good books. Once a young guy was chatting up a tourist girl in her early thirties, and she mentioned she was a single mother, and she talked quite a bit about her young child. Wanting to have a topic which he and the lady had in common, he lied and said he too, was a single parent, and how his son’s name was Johnny, and his son was living with his mother and how he visits his son every week and takes him out……. Boy, this was working! They spoke for hours, the night ended with a lot of fun! “HHMMMNN” he thought I must make a mental note of this. So, he almost forgot about it until about ten years later he was attending a friend’s wedding in Canada, and he and his friend from St. Kitts met these two girls at the wedding, and after the wedding they decided to go to a small bar that was still open. His friend went to the bathroom, he continued chatting up one of the girls who was all smiles. Then she mentioned that she was a single mother! “AH-HA! I got this”, he thought, and proceeded to tell the girl a set of lies about, how he was a single father, and his son’s name was Johnny, etc. etc. Things were going great, common ground was found and they were both relating to each other’s circumstances in a real way. A little while later, his friend arrives back from the bathroom, buys beers for all, and says, “I hope he has not been telling you too many lies, next thing he will be telling you about his son Johnny etc!” There was a moment of deathly silence, and his friend who had just arrived back says “What? Why are you looking at me that way?” A second later his friend says “Ouch, why did you kick me under the table!” Then the penny dropped, and he did not keep his big, fat, blabber mouth quiet, and proceeded to say, “Surely he did not tell you that story about his son Johnny, it all lies!” There was a couple more seconds of silence and then the words from one of the girls, ‘I’m leaving these people,” and off the two ladies go in a huff and leave the two boys alone, and now, without transport, as they came in the girl’s car. So, after the customary accusations and cuss words towards each other on whose fault it was that the night was totally spoilt, whether “the Liar” or “the Blabber mouth”, it was decided, they better call a taxi to take them home. But there was problem, they were not sure of the address of the friend’s house where they were staying! Oh dear, all they knew it was in the outskirts of Richmond, in Vancouver. More cussing each other again! After begging to use the phone at the establishment, they called the house, as fortunately they remembered the phone number, got the address from their very amused friends, who were also staying there, and proceeded home, most upset, and still debating who really was at fault for the disappearance of the girls, “Liar mouth” or “Blabber mouth!”

88. Sailing the Caribbean 1960’s

In the late 1960’s, just out of high school, two friends had applied to go to study and were just killing time, somewhat bored. At one of the numerous parties during the summer, they met a visiting yachtsman and his wife who were looking for crew to sail down the Southern Caribbean. Sounded like an adventure, so these two teenage boys told their parents what they were doing, and a couple of days later, off they sailed, a total crew of 4. In those days, there were no cell phones, no internet, no means of communication, no landlines on board, and landline on land, often did not work! Well, it turns out that this Captain would have put Captain Bligh to shame, He worked them from sunup to sundown, as they island hopped cleaning this, pulling that, irrespective of boiling sunshine or torrential rain. They were so exhausted, that when they arrived in each island, they were too tired to even go ashore, even though they were young and “bulletproof!” After about 7 days of this they decided to abandon ship, but with no money as Captain Bligh did not pay them as yet. They reached St. Vincent and tried to call home to ask the parents to send money or somehow arrange tickets for them to return to St. Kitts. But they had to be quick, as they were only staying in St. Vincent for two days, leaving on the smack of dawn on day three! Not an easy task!  They go ashore, and eventually after a lot of begging, a merchant allowed them to make a collect phone call to one of the fathers in St. Kitts. Now in those days, you place the call with the operator and wait until the operator calls you back to put through the call. About 4 hours later the call goes through. They got very lucky! The father that they called was a travel agent, who knew travel agent from St. Vincent, arranged two tickets for the LIAT flight that was fortunately leaving later that day, (a once a week flight, mind you), and he dropped them to the airport, paid their departure tax, for them, and off they went to Antigua, where they had to overnight, (more arrangements by the father calling friends in Antigua to help out, which is another story). The two teenagers were scared s*****ss during the ordeal! No money, no friends, foreign country, the works!  They never told Captain Bligh about their departure, leaving their clothes etc. all on board, (except their passports) in case he found out and fired them on the spot. Later investigations revealed that captain Bligh sailed his boat out of St. Vincent on the third day, not even issuing a missing person’s report. However, it is alleged that this learning experience was extremely beneficial for the two young boys for the rest of their lives, about being prudent with decisions, and always having an exit strategy, and backup plan in life!

89. The “Ribs” fast food outlet. 1986.

He had a fantastic time, and after a couple of weeks returned to St. Kitts. He arrived home from the airport at around 4:00 pm local time and was very hungry but did not want to go shopping. He thought he would pop down to the small fast-food place that sells ribs, order a takeaway, and do his shopping the following day. This fast-food joint is small! As you enter the door it is about 6 feet wide, and about 5 feet deep before you get to the counter where the food is ordered.  As he opened the door and was about to enter, a worker with a mop in her hand says, “Mister, mister, you cannot come in now.” The traveler responded, “Oh, how come, this place is usually open for another hour at least.” The worker responds, “No, you cannot come in for around 5 minutes, as I have just mopped the floor, and if you come in I will have to wipe the floor again,” she said in an incredulous voice. The traveler looked at the floor, all 6 feet by 5 feet, where it literally will take two swipes of the mop to cover the floor. “We certainly cannot have this worker being overworked now can we,” he thought. If he did not realize it before, he realized it now. He thought, “Yes, I am at home, I have reached back, no doubt about it!”

90. Make way for the Wrestlers! 1980’s

Big time professional wrestling came to St. Kitts. Some of the big stars of the day were involved. And these wrestlers were BIG! Like physically big, and massive. Full of muscles! It was held in the open area of the Police Training Complex. There was an extremely large, sellout crowd and most people were only waiting for the first match to start. Four, skinny, American teenage boys, of light skinned descent, arrived just before the scheduled start of the first match. A little boy in front asked his brother “Are dem there de wrestlers?” Well, the first American was on the ball, and he said a fairly loud voice “MAKE WAY FOR THE WRESTLERS, MAKE WAY FOR THE WRESTLERS!!” Well, the big crowd parted like Moses and the red sea, to let the “wrestlers” through. They were followed by several comments such as “Dem wrestlers skinny, boy, dey don’t feed them?” Another commented, “Dem too skinny, I want me money back!!! And a third “Even I could bang them off!!” And a fourth, “Me-arm, one of dem head is really big!!”

91. The Visiting Golfer. 1990’s

Visiting from Antigua, this gentleman brought his clubs so he could play golf in St. Kitts. He was getting on in life, and age was catching up with him, slowly but surely. But he was still a pretty good golfer. He gets to the Golf club, and sees a lot of his old-time golfing buddies, and of course one of the first questions they ask him is “How is your golf game?” He replied, “It’s like my sex life, sometimes good but usually very poor!”

92. The Local Movie Star -“Missing in Action-Part 2” 1984

Big time movies came to Saint Kitts. A war movie was being filmed here starring Chuck Norris. It was called “Missing in Action – Part 2.” A World War 11 movie. So, the director of the movies needed some extras to play prisoners, or play marines depending on the scene being shot, so about 8 of the boys get selected for this day. One of them says, “Ah ha, a chance for me to become a big movie star, just watch me.” On this day they given U.S. green military uniforms, with hats and the full gear. After a couple of hours, the Director came over to the bunch of guys who were just casually hanging around, and said he needed two extras. Immediately, Mr. future movie star volunteers before anyone else could move, and puts up his hand and says, “I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready.”

It turns out that all the two extras had to do was play dead in a small open field and the scene was that the two movie stars, Chuck Norris and the other gentleman would run up to the dead bodies, shake them, look around and then that would be the end of the scene. All the cameras were set up and everything is ready. The director says “Action” and the two movie stars run up to the two extras playing dead and was about to shake the dead bodies. But as they got to the two bodies, one of the extras, the one who planned to be a movie star suddenly sits up, so the director is forced to shout “Cut! What the heck is wrong with this guy, you supposed to be dead!” So, a little while later he says, “Take 2, Action!”. The scene is acted over again with the two movie stars running up to the two play-dead bodies to lean over and shake them and the same guy who plans to be a movie star, sits up again! The director in total frustration, shouts, “Cut! What’s going on, I am just asking this person to play dead, and all he does is play the fool! Let’s try again.” In the meanwhile, his friends who are watching from behind the cameras are giggling and having a good chuckle evolving into loud laughter! So, everything is set up again and the director says, “Take 3, Action!” For the third time, the two movie stars approach the dead bodies again, shook them, looked around and ran off holding their M-16 guns at the ready. “Cut! Thank goodness, it worked this time.” said the director. So, the two guys who are playing dead went back to the rest of the boys who were still laughing, and they asked him, “What happened, why did you sit up, twice?” The Hollywood hopeful, now former Hollywood hopeful, said, “Man, you know the first time when they ran up to me, one of them kicked dirt right up my nose and I had to sit up, and the second time when he came up to me, he stepped on my fingers, so I sit up again as a reflex to the pain.” Needless to say, his Hollywood career came crashing to a halt, long before it even got off ground!

93. Four hundres years of history. Early 2000’s

St. Kitts were colonized in 1624. For the first 30 or 40 years or so, Tobacco was the main crop, but it is a weak plant, growing to about 6-10 feet, but with a soft stem. Every time a hurricane passed the whole crop would be flattened and lost.

As the demand for sugar started to increase and with the mounting challenges of growing Tobacco, the planters changed their crop to sugar cane, which has a far sturdier stalk, although very labor intensive.

The tobacco fields were cleared, and sugar was planted from that day around 1640 to 2005 when the Sugar industry finally closed. Tobacco had been gone for over 400 years.

In the early 2000’s, the owner of Romney Manor plantation, (home of the Carrabelle Batik) which is situated out in the country by the former colonial capital of St. Kitts, Old Road Town, decided to arrange an archaeological dig around the Sugar Mill and the old Chimney. This continued off and on for a few years. They then chose another nearby area to excavate. Suddenly a few plants started to grow, but no one gave them much thought. But the more they excavated and turned up the soil the more these strange plants started to grow, and in quite large numbers. They were all over! Curiosity soon kicked in and they undertook research, and it was determined that these plants were ———– Tobacco! Wow! They were growing everywhere in the vicinity. How could that be? Tobacco had not been grown in St. Kitts for over 400 years.

It turns out that Tobacco seeds can remain dormant for hundreds of years, once they were kept in the dark. The tobacco plants were from around 1640, in the soil, now germinating as they were experiencing sunlight for the first time in 400 years! They were brought here by the very first colonists who probably handled them, then likely discarded them when the main crop changed to sugar. These plants were a living connection from the past to the present, providing a connection of 400 years ago. It was absolutely fascinating.

Of course, one of the boys dug up one of the wild tobacco plants and replanted it in his garden. A couple of months later, he removed some of the leaves, dried them, and then crushed and rolled them into a cigarette. Smoking tobacco that was 400 years old is not an experience that many people can say they have partaken. Even the best Cuban cigar could not come close with the history of that smoke! A truly unique experience! Both for the Island and the smoker!

94. The Condo Bathroom. 1990’s

There is a condominium complex at Frigate Bay with several 2 story buildings on the North and South of the property, with a large swimming pool with an adjacent bar-b-que entertainment area in the middle of the complex. It was a common area for the residents of this Condo project. Many of the Units were rented long term to university students and residents alike, with some winter snowbirds to boot. Each building had two one-bedroom Units downstairs and one 2-bedroom Unit upstairs. One of the female renters lived in one of the Units and decided to entertain with a bar-b-que dinner next to the swimming pool in the late afternoon. She invites about 10-12 friends, warns them about the rules of making too much noise. Condo rules! Notwithstanding, the drinks were flowing, but everyone was well behaved. As the early evening wears on, there was lots of laughter as much wine and beers were consumed. Very civilized and well-behaved people! After the food, and a few more drinks were consumed, when one of the guys who was drinking a bit asked where the bathroom was located. The host replied that we don’t have one here in the entertainment area so just go and use the one in my bedroom and the door is not locked. So off he goes. A few minutes later he returns with a bit of puzzled look on his face, and soon after sees the female host and asks her who was her friend in the bedroom. Somewhat mystified, the tenant said, “I don’t have anybody staying with me.” So, the guy says, “Well, I don’t know, I went to the unit, opened the front sliding door which was closed, and went into the bedroom. I was a bit shocked to see an old lady lying in bed with a nighty on, reading a book. By now I am really dying to go to the bathroom, so I just said “Sorry, I just here to use your bathroom. The door would not close properly, so I nonetheless had a long pee, washed my hands, went outside and told the old lady “Thank you, and came back downstairs! So, really who is the old lady?” Even more puzzled, and a little worried, the tenant asked, “Which unit do you go to?” When he explained the exact unit, the tenant said “That’s not my Unit, that must be the neighbor’s unit! I have no idea who lives there!” By this time all his friends were listening to the story with great interest. There was deathly silence then a breakout of loud laughter. “I hope she does not call the police for a night invasion and indecent exposure” said one friend. Another replied, “Don’t worry there is no evidence for indecent exposure!” And another “I need to go to the bathroom can you direct me?” to even more raucous laughter. I wonder what that old lady thought when this strange man walked into her bedroom room at night and casually states he is going to use the bathroom!

The tenant eventually did the right thing and went to the unit and explained to the neighbor that it was a mistake, and please don’t call the police!!

95. The Watch. 1980’s

One day this chap was away on vacation, and he needed to purchase a new watch. He went into a watch shop, browsed around and then saw a watch that had some controls on the watch strap. He made an inquiry with the salesclerk who informed him it was a watch that was also a remote control for the TV, new technology of the day. He explained that you just put in the code for each brand of TV and then you can change your T.V. from your watch. This sounded pretty good, so he bought the watch and returned to Saint Kitts after his vacation was finished.

A few days after his return he visits a pub on a Friday night and has a few good drinks and turns to look at the TV. It was quite late at night, and the West Indies were playing Australia in cricket, in Australia, so he wanted to watch a bit of it. Unfortunately, there were three or four guys who were looking at some music channel. “Oh no!” he thought. He was sitting in the background about 15 feet from the TV and thought to himself well let me just change the channel with my new watch. He changes the channel with his watch, from the music channel to the cricket channel. The guys watching TV were a little surprised, so they got the remote control and turned it back to the music channel. After about 20 seconds the guy with the smart watch changed the channel again, back to cricket. “Hey, what’s going on with this T.V.?” one said turning towards the bartender, “It keeps changing the channel by itself.” The bartender responds, “Don’t be ridiculous, you guys must have had too much to drink!” About a minute passed and our friend at the back, with a big smile on his face, changes the channel back to the cricket. The three guys watching the T.V. now get quite frustrated, and one turns off the T.V., and gets up with the intention of leaving.  Trying his hardest not to burst out laughing, our friend with the watch waits 5 seconds and turns back on the T.V.! The three guys cannot believe it, so they go to the bartender, pay their bill, and inform him that his T.V. is related to the stuff that smells, is haunted and has a mind of its own.

Shortly after, the gentleman with the watch is joined by a friend who had just arrived, and he stops looking at the cricket and is talking to his friend. Out of the corner of his eyes he sees the barman walking over to the T.V. and turns it off. As soon as the bartender turns his back, the T.V. turns on again, automatically, by itself! The bartender is quite puzzled, turns off the T.V. again, waits 30 seconds and then turns around to go back to the bar. As soon as he turns his back, the T.V. comes to life again, by itself! He can’t believe it, so he turns off the T.V. a third time, and as soon as he is about to leave, yet again, the T.V. comes on again, and this time, it changes channels by itself, up down, up down! The guy with the watch is killing himself with laughter. The bartender is totally mystified and totally frustrated, unplugs the T.V. and waits, “Oh” he says, “See if now you turn back on, —- and if you do, I would be out of here!”

If only!!!

A few days later our friend is now traveling to Antigua and is in the departure lounge at the airport with the lone T.V. tuned to a news channel, with several in-transit passengers looking at the news. Our friend smiles and thinks himself, “No, no, no, no, news will not do, football is on,” and he changes the channel.  There were some looks of surprise and grumbling from the audience but as there’s no remote channel at the airport there was nothing they could do.

Our friend with his watch enjoyed his football until the flight departed, and with a massive smile on his face, he thought, “I am going to have a lot of fun with this toy!” as he boarded his flight.

96. Horse racing in Nevis. 1970’s

Horse racing was big in St. Kitts and Nevis off and on over their history. In the 1900’s it was huge, and then it faded away, and then just after WW 1, it was reinstated with a big following until the 1960’s when it popularity declined. A large racetrack was built in the early 2000’s but it did not last long and was closed. In Nevis, horse racing has had a steady interest but on a small scale. Traditionally, they hold horse racing 3 or 4 times a year, and now it is a somewhat higher standard. But in the middle 1970’s horse racing was a social event. One August Monday, horseracing was being held in Nevis and much of Nevis attended and good few from St. Kitts as well. So, the first race was scheduled for 1:00 pm, but as expected, it did not start until after 2:00 pm. Something about “Calming down the horses. They don’t like crowds” Eventually, the horses arrived and lined up at the starting line – sort of.

Now, this is not the current race track but was the old track which was more like a cow pasture. This track was not a complete oval like all racing tracks but was shaped more like and extended horseshoe, where the horses start, ride around the bend, and then finish on the straight on the other side. But there was another anomaly. The first 75 yards were clear to the spectators, but from where the track started to turn, there were big trees, and a lot of acacia prickle bushes on either side of the track, absolutely blocking the view from all spectators, until about the last 50 yards of the other side of the straight before the horses break out from behind the bushes in front of the winning post

The first race involved 3 horses as they attempted to line up somewhere close to the starting point. The first horse was skinny as anything, skin and bone, looked like it was starving to death. And it was agitated, almost like it was in its death throes. The jockey was shirtless, with no helmet. The second horse was normal looking to the naked eye, with the jockey fully decked out with the racing gear, helmet, goggles, checkered shirt, whip, the full Monty. The third horse was quite small, certainly smaller than the other two, but the jockey was massive, at least 230 lbs. The poor horse looked like it would collapse at any minute. Before any of the horses were lined up properly, the starting gun is fired “POW” and race is on, whether they were ready or not. So, they start off. The skinny horse takes the lead, the best dressed jockey’s horse is in second, and the Hulk was last. The leading horse, the skinny one, gets to the fence where the racetrack starts to turn, and suddenly stops! The jockey flies head over heels over the fencing just missing one of the biggest acacia trees when he landed on the other side! He was unhurt but was so lucky that he did not land right in the middle of the big prickly acacia bush. The other two horses disappeared behind the trees so no one could see anything. All they heard was “Kloperty Klop, Kloperty Klop, Kloperty Klop” the sound of horse’s hoofs. Waiting, waiting, “Kloperty Klop, Kloperty Klop, Kloperty Klop” the sound of hoof beats seemed to last forever. Everyone was focused on the finishing line and waiting for when the horses break out from behind the bushes. Suddenly, one horse breaks out from behind the bushes, in the lead, —- but there was no jockey! The well-dressed one must have fallen off! One horse remaining! “Kloperty Klop, Kloperty Klop, Kloperty Klop” then there is a roar from the crowd as the third horse, the small one with the 230 lb jockey, breaks out into the open, with the large jockey still riding, but with one alteration— He was holding on sideways on the horse, for dear life! His saddle strap had loosened, and the saddle had swung under the belly of the horse. He wins and the crowd roars even louder!! He looked like he belonged in one of those old Cowboy and Indian movies!

Very entertaining. One member of the group visiting from St. Kitts is extremely happy as he had bet on the large jockey with the small horse, and as he won, he went to the betting station to collect his winnings. He had bet $5.00. He hands in the ticket to the booth and receives $2.00 for winning! “Hey,” he says “I bet $5.00 to win and I only got back $2.00? What is going on?” The gentleman in the betting booth says, “Well, the Nevis Racing Association must keep a minimum amount of the betting, their cut, and that is that is what it works out to.”

Interestingly, all future bets were made amoung friends and not through the betting booth!

97. The Quiet Warrior 1990

The Golden Rock Golf club was a small golf club located near to the main airport on the outskirts of Basseterre, with the club house tucked away in the corner behind some large trees. It was more of a social club as many golfers were not good players but enjoyed the game.

An expatriate couple arrived in St. Kitts in early in the year 1990 and they set up a small manufacturing factory. The husband, an elderly man, enjoyed playing golf three times a week. After every game of golf he would go to the club house, have one beer, buy a round of drinks, and then quietly leave. He was not a talkative person, but he enjoyed the club house banter.

One day during the summer, on a Tuesday afternoon, he played his golf, and as usual he joined his three playing partners, and were also joined by another two people at the table after golf, so a total of six persons were at the one table. They were the only ones at the club house, besides the barman, Mr. Lake. Before anyone could sit down, the elderly gentleman ordered a round of drinks. He had his normal beer, and the others had their normal drinks. Before anyone had reached even half-way through their drink, the old gentleman called out, “Mr. Lake, another round for everybody!”  So, everyone said no, it was their turn, but he insisted, he was buying another round. So, everyone had their second drink, and before anyone else could order a round, the old, normally quiet, gentleman, stated, “Mr. Lake, please another round on me!” Everyone was wondering what was going on. This very quiet, unassuming old English gentleman was not only drinking but was not letting anyone else buy a round. He told his friends, “I made a pledge, I am buying all the drinks tonight, I will tell you why later!” One of his friends asked, “What happened, did you inherit some money, or did you win a lottery? He replied, “Much better than that, I will tell you shortly. The old English gentleman, who never had more than one beer, was buying round after round after round. He would not let anyone go home, and he would buy another drink for them before they could leave. He was quite affected by all the drinks, and someone had quietly called his wife to pick him up, as they did not feel he could drive. When she turned up, he said in a slurred voice, “Ah, my wonderful wife has arrived, she can drive me home!” One of the guys asked the old gentleman, “But why have you bought all of these drink for us today?” The old gentleman paused for a few moments, his eyes misted up, and got quite emotional, and explained, “I have never told anyone before, or spoken about this before, but exactly 50 years ago today, on this very day in 1940, I made a pledge to myself.” He continued “I was a Spitfire pilot and was in the Battle of Britian, and on this day, 50 years ago, over the English Channel, a German Luftwaffe squadron attacked us and the in ensuring battle, I was shot down. My Spitfire engine was shot up and caught fire, and the plane started to go down, but I could not get the canopy open at first. As the plane nosedived towards the sea, I eventually got the canopy open, but the engine flames were now reaching me. In that moment, I honestly thought I would not make it, much less live for another 50 years. I decided right there and then, in that moment that if I happen to live for 50 more years, I will celebrate until I drop!”  Shortly after the explanation, he nearly collapsed, and his friends helped him to the car so his wife could drive them home. Everyone was silent for a while!

Many people fought in WW 2 and suffered thereafter, and a lot of veterans never spoke about their experiences. They were real heroes!

98. Four hundred runs – Not Out. 2004

Every sports fan would love to see a world record in sports. I mean, to see it live and in person would be such an experience, one that you remembered for the rest of your life. Well, in 2004, the boys traveled to Antigua as the West Indies cricket team was playing England. The stadium was packed! The West Indies were batting and were doing really well. The current world record for the most runs scored in one innings in a Test match was held by Matthew Hayden of Australia, who in 2003, made 380 runs against Zimbabwe. Everyone expected that record to last for many years.

So, the West Indies were batting, and Brian Lara is doing extremely well. He starts the day on 313 not out, and the next thing you know he passes 325, then 350, an amazing feat already! Wow, he’s only 31 runs from the world record! He continues batting and it’s getting close to lunch and everyone was wondering if he would break the record before lunchtime because if not, his concentration could be broken. He gets very close, and the next ball, Lara slashes it for 4 and breaks the world record! The crowd erupted and the joy overflowed.  The boys were jumping up and down along with everyone else. A world record, right before their eyes.

Shortly thereafter lunch was called, and the players went off the pitch. The boys left their seats to go downstairs in the stadium, to get some BBQ chicken. In the Caribbean even within the confines stadium there is lots of food being sold on the side. BBQ chicken, pork, ribs, the works. The boys are very satisfied with what they saw, and bought a couple of beers, and they ordered some BBQ chicken.  The chef informs them that he was just putting on some more chicken, so they will have to wait a bit. “No problem, we just saw a world record by Brian Lara, scoring the most runs ever in a Test match, we are not in any rush, we are celebrating!” said one of the boys. So, after a couple more drinks, they get their chicken and we’re cooling out. They hear a murmur from the crowd which means the cricket game is restarting, lunch is finished. The boys were in no rush because they figured that it is certain that the West Indies will declare and put England into bat.  Another beer was consumed to help finish the chicken. They were just about to go upstairs when they heard this almighty roar from the capacity crowd, even louder than when Lara broke the record a little earlier. The boys rushed up the steps and the whole crowd was jumping up and down. They asked the person nearer to them, what happened? The spectator told them “Oh, the West Indies did not declare, and Brian Lara went back into bat and just scored 400 runs with a boundary and now, the West Indies have declared. “What!” says the one of the boys in disbelief, “We will never get another opportunity to see someone score a world record of 400 runs, live, what have we done?  It’s all because of these so-called friends of mine, they are too greedy for food. We should have come up here, but now we did not see the only player in the world to score 400 runs in a Test match.”

So, they told all their friends when they arrived back in St. Kitts that they were there, in the stadium, when Brian Lara scored 400 runs! No details need to be explained!

99. The Gambler. 1960’s

In Antigua, there were a group of men who loved gambling. They gambled at a local club twice a week. Poker was their favorite and at times the stakes were quite high. Of course, they drank a fair bit, so arguments were often and boisterous. From time to time, one of the gamblers would get angry with the rest of the group and leave the table.

One day, a club member visited the club and saw one of the regular gamblers sitting alone at the bar, while the rest of the group were gambling in their normal corner. The club member took a seat next to the gambler and asked, “Why aren’t you gambling with the rest of the guys?” The gambler, turned, looked the club member in the eyes, and replied, “Would you play poker with a cheat? The club member responded “No, of course not.” The gambler then replied, “Neither would they!”

The member quietly left the bar!

100. The Veteran Businessman. Early 1950’s

World War 2 was over and many of the soldiers returned to their homes This soldier, who was a young, qualified lawyer before the war, rose to the rank of Captain, returned to St. Kitts, forms a Company and starts a business in general commerce. The business grew quite fast. But the good Captain still had his military ways. On too many occasions, staff members were knocking on his door and asking for advice. He found these constant interruptions rather annoying. So being a military man, he thought about the problem, and made an immediate decision. Above the door to his office, he installed 3 colored lights, green, orange and red. They were operated from within his office. One of the three lights was always on.

The instructions were made clear to his staff. “Green” meant anyone could knock and enter at any time, the “Orange” light meant that you could only enter if it was very urgent, and the “red” light meant that no one could enter at any time, even if the building was on fire. Anyone who broke these rules would be severely chastised.

Several years later, he once commented to his visiting friend, “The red light? Oh, well after all, a man must have a chance to read his newspaper in peace!”

CONCLUSION

If you have reached this far, I truly hope you enjoyed these stories! And just think, this is only the first 100 stories! There are 497 stories (and counting) all about the similar unbelievable stories, and the Caribbean way of life!

Most stories occurred in St. Kitts, or by Kittitians living overseas, but all are authentically Caribbean!

And every single one is TRUE!

If you have enjoyed these stories, please forward to your friends and let them have a chance to laugh too!!

And give us a like!

Signed: The Mysterious author who is now hiding!!